unbelievable!

you can drink in a moving vehicle here! hells yeah!

the graphing calculators

new orleans

i'm sitting at the shared computer in methodist church volunteer center. the center was set up almost immediately after the storm, and we're lucky enough to be able to crash here, even though we unitarians have some significant differences of faith. we're stashed up in the youth wing, which i have to say is about the sweetest youth room i've ever seen -- they have a pool table, ping pong, air hockey, two foosball tables -- now if only we had energy or time to play!

yesterday i was picked up at the airport and driven straight to gregory middle school, where they've had to deal with three moves *this school year* -- that's moving an entire middle school three times since the beginning of september. and the district removed their much-beloved principal on monday. our job was to organize their boxes and take them to proper classrooms. it's a surreal place to be -- a middle school in giant gleaming white modulars with no grass, no place to play, surrounded by gravel pits and directly in the looming shadow of their old destroyed school.

it's a school of contradictions. the computer lab is well stocked and the the science lab is spotless. but the computer lab isn't ready to use and the science teacher, in his first week in new orleans (our guess is teach for america) didn't know where the science lab even was. they have an array of a dozen computer workstations in their library, but our donation to the school is going to be office supplies, because they don't have paperclips or paper. i'm serious, the secretary hoards paper to give to kids who need it.

i can't figure out who decides what supplies go to the school. it's obvious that much is donated -- why else would they only have 100 copies of book two in a series but no book one? but for real, in a school with 80 students, why do they have three *palettes* of graphing calculators? they literally have hundreds upon hundreds of graphing calculators. and my guess is that the nearest school may not have any.

we'll be spending the week at the school pretty much doing whatever they need us to. that may be planting flowers, or moving gravel, or figuring out what the hell to do with a thousand calculators.

after we left the school yesterday, we came back to the church for a cooking class with a luminous woman who taught us how to make a proper creole roux for gumbo while talking about the history of the food we were going to eat. it was wonderful, standing in a hot, smoky kitchen with two dozen volunteers, watching this woman cook ancient foods that actually traveled from west africa with the slaves. did you know that the bantu word for okra is kigombo? thus, gumbo. how cool is that?

looks like it's time to make some lunch and head back to the school. and maybe another cup of the worst coffee known to humanity.

devastation, public and private

dang, someone wants the computer. i haven't slept. not the best time for writing. but so much to tell! i went from closing the bar straight to the airport and from the airport straight to a new orleans middle school in temporary modules because their nearby school was completely destroyed. there are trailers everywhere next to huge piles of insulation and moldy wood. some of them used to be houses. some neighborhoods look okay, but the vast tracts of public housing that supported the working class communities here are still boarded up and abandoned. how do they expect people to come back if there's no place for them to live?

that's all for now. it's hot and humid and i'm at a methodist church helping bake a cake.

aaaah!

i leave for new orleans tomorrow morning. i am too busy to write anything! hopefully i'll be able to get some things online while i'm down there. if not, see you next week!

snack time!

fun behind the bar on birthdays

me and steve on his birthday last night, breathless from our duet of born to run.



these are from devon's party last month -- i've been meaning to put these up forever!



aren't we just the cutest couple? i mean, not as cute as me and steve, but close!



don't EVER step behind my bar!

17th century drinking throwdown

the plan for my next party includes the punch-bowl fountain:

The record for history's largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer's party that employed a garden's fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests' cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.

The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn't end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.

you know what makes a drink great? 1400 pounds of sugar.

finally, an excuse

i didn't really want to make my bed anyways. i mean, i'm just going to mess it up again tonight!

untidy beds are healthy.

drinking with oedipus

after a productive day at red hot (!) i met some friends for dinner and a show. one of my friends is in a production of oedipus rex so of course we had to go and see it. we were all impressed with the quality of the production. it's an updated adaptation -- and those are always risky -- but this one held its own. the chorus became reporters and the play was essentially set up as speeches and press conferences. very interesting. oedipus yelled a lot.

when the play was over, we took our starlet out to drinks at nearby slainte, an irish bar on the bowery. not my favorite place in the world, but a good draft list and lots of screens for watching the game one massacre. when we sat down, my friend ordered a black and tan -- that's guinness and ale or lager, a standard drink in american irish pubs (wikipedia points out that it's not commonly consumed in ireland). the snaggle-toothed waitress stared at her blankly. a black and tan, my friend said again. okay, our waitress said cautiously. my friend pointed to his black pants. black, the color, and tan, it's two beers mixed together, just tell the bartender, he'll understand. alright, she says and walks away.

two minutes later: her thickly accented question, you said black and tan right? um, yeah, what's going on here?

two minutes later: busboy approaches. you wanted a black and tan?

yes, my god, how hard is this?

the drinks arrive. no more problems.

boston begins their two out hedonistic scoring spree.

some of the cast joins us. oedipus has washed the blood from his eyes.

round two arrives without a hitch. because we order from the bartender.

later, my friend with the black pants orders a black and tan, from the waitress. should have known this wouldn't go well.

yeah, can i have a black and tan?

you want guinness?

no, a black and tan.

guinness?

black and tan.

okay, guinness.

miraculously, a black and tan arrives.

when i ask the bartender for our check, he apologizes.

do you think our waitress still has a job?

i don't mean to be cruel, but i doubt it.

best bartender ever?

no, it's definitely not me.

i think it's this woman.

to the person sitting next to me on the subway

hey, so you're reading the post. awesome. i'm totally going to read over your shoulder.

okay, i'm done with that page. turn the page please.

no really, did you stop reading or something? i'm done. next page.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING I AM TRYING TO READ HERE PLEASE TURN THE PAGE

dammit here's my stop. thanks for nothing, post reader.

a full mouth

so finally the other half of my mouth is clean. that was a strange week, to have the right side of my teeth sparkling and wide-gapped and the left side still covered in crap.

but it's all good now.

svetlana took me into the radiology dept and gave me a full set of x-rays. in the middle of the session with a film set between my teeth, there was a knock on the door and a wizened crew-cut carpenter came in with a rolling palette. i have to work in here, he said. now we're talking about a tiny x-ray lab and here he comes wheeling this wide load into the room. he gets about four feet in before he discovers that his palette won't fit through the door into the next room. slam! he tries to jam it in. slam! i start laughing and the film falls out of my mouth. svetlana starts laughing. al? paging al the carpenter? the radio blares. he pulls his palette out of the room and is gone. i guess he didn't have work to do after all.

in the radiology waiting room:


aw, the radiology teachers have pets!


yes, that is definitely my plan.

weak week

i've got a hectic week coming up and i'm worried that blogging time will be at a premium. i leave for new orleans early next week and i've got some preparing to do. i'll do what i can to keep you informed about gay wizards and mayor-killing monkeys.

in the meantime, here are two blogs i recently discovered that i think are awesome. enjoy!

the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks

this one is particularly close to my heart.

mustachesofthenineteenthcentury.

savor these words, for they are my last.

of the day.

on my blog.

wish me luck

it's not looking good folks. in fact, there's a 100% chance of precipitation today. usually, i don't mind the rain, but i'm spending the day with my kids, and i haven't had a rainout yet.

i'm a little concerned that they're going to go insane, cooped up in the house, playing with next-gen transformers. damn these new toys are cool! the optimus prime that flips with a flick of the wrist into a loaded nerf cannon is one for the ages.

maybe i'll teach them how to gamble.

if only i had that laptop

one question: how is 12 beers a month a lifetime supply?

NZ brewery offers beer for laptop

A New Zealand brewery is reportedly offering a lifetime supply of beer for the return of a stolen laptop.

Local media said the laptop was stolen from the Croucher Brewing Company in the central North Island city of Rotorua earlier this week.

Owners were desperate to retrieve the computer containing designs, contact details and financial information, the Rotorua Daily Post said.

They have offered free beer to anyone giving clues leading to its recovery.

Co-owner Paul Croucher said the company would provide a lifetime supply of about 12 bottles a month to anyone who could name the thief.

The company has back-up copies of the material stored on the laptop but these are not up to date, the newspaper said.

yet another vice

rockstar games, why did you have to go and make this? my life is over.



no seriously, this game is awesome.

why i love my job

because i work for these guys.

cloak of invisibility, here we come

so close, so very close. i can't wait to be invisible:

New 'Metamaterial' Brings Scientists Closer Than Ever to a Cloaking Device

sunday bartenders rest easy

last month in nearby red hook, there were back to back brazen daylight robberies at local watering holes bait & tackle and moonshine. all us sunday bartenders were wary, especially since the bartender at bait & tackle was tied up at gunpoint in her first (and last) month of bartending.

but this afternoon the new york times reports that the thieves have been apprehended -- after going back to the bar to have a drink! read on.

Bartender Snaps a String of Tavern Holdups

The robbers carried guns into dark bars in broad daylight on back-to-back Sundays in Red Hook, the ballyhooed next-great-neighborhood of Brooklyn that has stubbornly maintained much of its gritty charm and, with it, danger.

News of the first holdup spread quickly: On Sept. 23, shortly after 2 p.m., two men entered Red Hook Bait and Tackle on Van Brunt Street, as laid-back a tavern as they come, with lots of mounted fish and taxidermy specimens. The bartender, a woman, was alone in the place, cleaning a restroom and just opening for the day. The men asked to use a restroom, and when they returned, one was wearing a mask and the other a bandanna over his face, and both held black handguns.

They bound the woman’s hands with duct tape, and stretched another piece over her mouth, the police said. The men took more than $1,000 — the exact amount was not provided by the police. The men then fled in a gray sport utility vehicle, the police said.

The bartender banged on neighbors’ doors until someone opened up and untaped her, said another bartender at Red Hook Bait and Tackle, who, fearful of a suspect still at large, gave his name only as Chris P., 30.

The following Sunday, Sept. 30, the men struck again, the police said, this time at Moonshine, a bar nearby on Columbia Street. About 3 p.m., one man entered, used the bathroom, left the bar and returned wearing a hat pulled low and with another man in a mask.

“They made my customer lay on the floor,” said the bartender, Marni Ludwig, 31. “They held a gun to my head and I gave them the money. They were angry that I didn’t have more money.” The men fled with less than $1,000, again in an S.U.V., the police said.

But this time, surveillance cameras photographed the first man as he approached the bathroom, showing a distinctive teardrop tattoo on his face, said Sgt. Joseph LaBella of the 76th Precinct detective squad. Officers circulated a sketch of the man in area bars.

The next Sunday passed without incident. Then, this past Sunday, Chris P., the bartender at Bait and Tackle, was killing the last minutes of his shift, which took him into the early hours of Monday, with seven or eight friends.

“It’s about 3 a.m.,” he said yesterday. “I see a man and a woman walk in the bar.”

“I notice he has the teardrop by his eye,” Chris said. “I think, ‘This is definitely the suspect.’ They ordered some shots of tequila. They wanted limes and salt.”

Chris said he went to the end of the bar and told a friend, “who happened to be one of the more sober people in the place, to call the cops. I told him in a hushed voice.”

Chris said he tried to act natural while his friend stepped outside to call 911. But then the man with the tattoo suddenly got up. “He leaves the bar,” Chris recalled, while Chris’s friend “is outside calling the police on him.”

The man returned with his hand curled in the bottom part of his shirt, and Chris said he thought he had a gun. He approached the couple. “I said, ‘Guys, if you don’t need anything, I’m just going to use the bathroom,’” Chris said. He, too, called the police, and returned.

The man rose again, this time for the men’s room, where Chris figures he got a good look at his own police sketch, for he quickly left the bar without a word to the woman, Chris said.

Chris said he told his friend to lock the door. “He locks the door. I go over to the woman and say, ‘Do you need anything?’ She asks for another piece of lime for her tequila.”

Then Chris and his friend and a manager of the bar slipped outside, where two of them pulled down metal gates over the front of the bar and the third held the door shut as the woman, who had unlocked it from the inside, was trying to leave, Chris said.

The police found the man hiding under a parked car down the street, and arrested him and the woman, Sergeant LaBella said. The suspect, Luis Rodriguez, 26, of the Bronx, was charged with three counts of robbery. The woman was not charged. The second man remains at large, the police said. The police found the S.U.V. and a handgun inside it, Sgt. LaBella said.

In Red Hook yesterday, Chris and his friends walked the awkward gait that combines patting oneself on the back with looking over one’s shoulder. “We did a little detective work. It was nice,” he said, but added that the robberies were a reminder: “It’s still a little shady. You have to keep an eye on your surroundings.”

a public apology

so on monday i said some bad things about union hall.

and i was rightly called out on it.

so i just want to say that i love union hall. it's a great bar and i adore the staff there. i've thoroughly enjoyed every show i've been to there and the only reason i thought nada surf didn't sound good is that their own sound guy who was touring with them was doing their sound. the house sound guys do a great job.

i hope this doesn't come off as insincere -- i'm constantly impressed with their lineup and would heartily recommend heading to the u.h. for a show. especially when my band plays there on wednesday november 14th!

also, be sure to join me and dick swizzle for late night karaoke this saturday!

ps magnetic field rocks.

250th post: half a mouth

back from the dentist. if you're interested in a free dental check up (x-rays and all!), click here.

it's one pm in the office of the dental hygiene department at cuny. but the clock on the wall says 9:05. that's not a good sign. it's like george carlin reminding us never to trust a dentist with blood in their hair. ten minutes later it's still 9:05. if they can't put batteries in a wall clock, will i be safe in the x-ray booth?

luckily my dentist for the day/russian model svetlana welcomes me warmly and sits me down in her cubicle. it's quite a scene, cube after cube of dentistry under a low hanging particle board ceiling with pretty serious water damage.

but svetlana's blue eyes and bleached blonde hair are a soothing balm to the treachery of pop radio emanating from speakers on all sides. can someone please shoot rhianna so there's never another disaster like umbrella? thanks a million.

after an initial look, svetlana says i have heavy calcium buildup and that we can't get it all off and take x-rays without another appointment. not a problem. i thought we would do a light clean this time and then finish with x-rays and a deep scraping next week.

instead, i'm left with a thoroughly cleaned right side of my mouth and a left side forlorn and filthy as a romanian orphan. this is totally bizarre.

why i love google image search ("dental hygiene"):

the dentist

ok, i'm spending three hours at a free jay street dentist. this could go badly. i'll keep you posted.

falling into fall

growing up in california there were seasons, but they were subtle. it took years to glean the changes, a few trees losing their leaves, the rain in winter, the verdant hills which roasted to golden in the summer.

there are problems with a lack of seasons. the years can just wash over you like so many days on end. wait, you say, was that the winter of aught-four? it rained then. where was i that summer when it actually was pretty warm? it's all a little confusing, fogged-over perhaps.

but here, it's a different story. even with global warming lessening the tenacity of our east coast winters, it's very obvious when it's february as opposed to august, especially a block from the harbor. the atlantic avenue wind is already picking up, and although i'm actually a fan of winter (thanks minnesota), i'm not a friend of the bitter chill coming off the water.

so we move into fall, tightening the circle, closing inwards, stashing our proverbial acorns and preparing for the long haul.

bonus? no more looking at capri pants.

another hectic weekend

i should know by now that going to a bar where i know a majority of the staff is a dangerous proposition. and when nada surf played on friday, i was surrounded by friends at union hall. unfortunately the sound guy the band with whom the band was touring was utterly incompetent, and my audio engineer ears could barely handle the high treble hiss.

also, the band kind of sucked.

saturday i biked off my hangover and went to potentially the second-to-last open market at the red hook ballfields. if you haven't been, this saturday might be your last chance. either way, after next weekend they close until the spring. the tarp-covered foodie's paradise is chock-full of local delicacies from latin and south america -- huaraches, papusas, giant tamales wrapped in banana leaves. it's all delicious. i don't remember the specifics, but there's something about their vendor permits and the parks department and a senator coming there over the summer to support the market staying open.

fyi, if you get the ceviche, careful with the green salsa they provide. that salsa, like c+c music factory, is gonna make you sweat.

did i tell you i'm in the band? well, i am.

more biking to band practice that afternoon. and oops, i forgot my cheat sheet with the chord progressions to all the songs. but hey, i pulled it off ok. it sort of felt like taking the training wheels off my bike. except my bike was a bass guitar.

do you not have dental insurance and live in new york? check this out: FREE DENTAL HYGIENE

i've got an appointment tomorrow. hmmm, but i hate the dentist. we'll see how this goes. three hours at the dentist? there better be laughing gas.

one last thought for the weekend

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

park sloop

tonight i'll be sailing the seas of park slope -- nada surf is playing at union hall! text me if you're in the hood.

and now, the story of the mystery cell phone.

yesterday i found a cell phone at the foot of a borough hall subway turnstile. rather than turn it over to the mysterious tombs of the mta lost and found, i decided to keep it and try and track the owner down.

first strange thing: not a single outgoing call had been placed since august.

second strange thing: attempts to call "mom" and "home" met with disconnected numbers.

third strange thing: emails sent to addresses stored in phone all bounce back.

i think i have a new phone!

but i have t-mobile and the phone is verizon. anyone with verizon service want a sweet camera phone?

am i a bad person?

your daily anagrams

collided igneous, so lucid old Genie, eluded i sing cool, includes good lie, soul do diligence, duelling so docile, no logic is eluded, so indie could gel.

stolen (as usual) from the blog of mike doughty, poet and former frontman for soul coughing.

no shoes, no shirt, no subway.

put a goddamn shirt on.

good word, good word

one of my friends/regulars (seems to be a lot of crossover these days) is working all over africa for the next year. his blog is halperin.wordpress.com.

in his most recent post, he explains (along with dickies pants being a gang uniform) that traffic lights in johannesburg are called nighttime authority robots.

really, i couldn't agree more.

interesting, an image search for "destroy all robots" comes up with more results for "destroy all humans."

OH MY GOD THE AUTHORITY ROBOTS ARE GOING TO DESTROY US ALL!!!


in other news, the german sailors who didn't tip me last night can go straight to fucking hell.

don't read my blog

why shouldn't you read my blog? because dancing at gunpoint has all the best videos before i do!

ok no wait you should read my blog.

and you should watch this amazing video.

which i stole.

once again.

big news!

i'm going to work today.

i have my ipod with five new albums purchased with a previously mentioned itunes gift card.

they are:

iron & wine, the shepherd's dog
jose gonzalez, in our nature
beirut, the flying club cup
manu chao, la radiolina
okkervil river, the stage names

i have copied them onto cds and then put them back in itunes to break the copyright. i am a thief!

speaking of stealing, if you haven't watched the video from yesterday's post, go back and watch it right now. seriously, it's hilarious.

okay, i really have to go to work. i have a great and inspiring story about a school in manhattan that i visited on tuesday. hopefully i will have a chance to put it up when my cube-mate leaves for lunch.

happy happy joy joy

the t key on my laptop is still broken, but i reconnected my bluetooth keyboard and now i have a most excellent ergonomic workstation -- monitor at eye level, foot rest to keep my hips even, wrist pads for both keyboard and mouse.

aahhh, this is the life.

really, just having a keyboard with a working t is a major victory for me. why didn't i get batteries months ago?

i've been busy recently, lots of time behind the bar and working on various red hot projects and taking my twins out for photographic adventures. on friday i bought them each a disposable camera and we walked through the neighborhood taking pictures. i can't wait to see their pictures! even though i'm betting that most of them will be finger-obscured.

this blog stole a video from another blog, and i was laughing so hard that i had to steal it too. enjoy!

that's a law? seriously?

an interesting article today from wftv orlando.

It's the first trial of its kind. A man is facing a judge and jury for violating Orlando's ban on feeding the homeless. Eric Montanez, 22, was caught feeding a group in Lake Eola Park earlier this year. The prosecution told Eyewitness News their case rests on video taken of Montanez feeding the homeless, breaking Orlando's feeding ban.

"There are a lot better things for law enforcement to be doing in this town, but this was an outrage," said George Crossley of the ACLU.

Montanez and a small group of supporters marched from Lake Eola Park to the Orange County on Monday morning.

"We're ready to take this on," Montanez said.

Montanez and the group he's involved with, Food Not Bombs, returned to Lake Eola just after sunrise to once again violate the ordinance that has him on trial. Food Not Bombs volunteers served breakfast to about 100 Montanez supporters, most of them homeless. They will serve breakfast, lunch and dinner during what they're calling a three-day "ladle fest," not a protest.

"Me personally, I think that's discriminating for one," said Lamont Robinson, a homeless man.

"We're out here trying to survive from day to day life and this gentleman over here is helping us," said Melvin Moore, a homeless man.

In April, Montanez was arrested for violating the city ordinance that bans mass feeding in one area. His attorney will argue that the law is a violation of civil rights and say Montanez did nothing wrong, because every feeding that he participated in was done at a public park.

"The law itself should be illegal. Feeding people should not be criminalized. Being poor should not be criminalized," Montanez said.

The group is hoping to pressure city leaders into axing the ordinance that they believe is a violation of their civil rights, but the city has made no mention of such consideration being in their plans.

adventures in babysitting

is it really october? my god it's beautiful outside. nothing like an afternoon at the playground with five year old twins to cheer me right up.

hurt

after a week of pretty much not taking good care of myself at all, i just wanted to make sure that everyone has seen the video of johnny cash covering trent reznor's hurt.

i guess crying is a theme today -- the first time i saw this video i was working at the headquarters of the unitarian universalist association on beacon hill in boston. it struck me so hard that i took the rest of the day off to wander aimlessly through the common.

you've been warned.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go

it makes me cry

yes, our president has recently vetoed a bill to give health care to poor children around the country.

his explanation?

"my job is a decision-making job. and as a result, i make a lot of decisions."

i think i'll move to australia.

more overheard

another classic from overheardinnewyork.com

What a Plot Twist!

Man: How much for two double-A batteries?
Bodega worker: The good ones or the one-dollar ones?
Man: The dollar ones.
Bodega worker: One dollar.
Man: I'll take two.
Bodega worker: That will be two dollars.
Man: Two dollars?!

--30th & 6th

thanks, but no thanks

amazing what you'll find in the free section of craigslist....

mmmm... potato...

the news today...

is somewhat funny and more than a little disturbing.

charges dismissed against this woman who may have killed her husband with a sherry enema. um, eww....

this article should be posted in its entirety...

PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech couple who decided to take a DNA test to squash persistent pub gossip and prove that their 10-month-old baby was their own got a nasty surprise.

The couple, from the southeastern town of Trebic, had some doubts about the child as her hair was blonde and they both had dark hair. Fellow drinkers' suspicions got on their nerves.

But the test showed neither of the parents had the same DNA as the baby, Czech news agency CTK reported Wednesday, suggesting a mix-up at the hospital.

Authorities were looking into the case.

i know exactly how this orang-utan feels. he refuses to pay any attention to his primate equals and is instead obsessed with heavily tattooed blondes. you and me both, sibu.

and finally, someone has discovered a great use for mr. potato head...

clooney watch

production has moved to just a block away from me! no blogging today, too busy keeping vigilant celebrity watch.

the crappy mets

my friends and i were discussing the nickname that history will bestow upon the chokiest of choke teams. that would be my mets, who, in case you missed it, became the first team in baseball history to blow a lead of seven or more games with 17 games left in the season.

the only good one i could think of was the disappoint-mets.

but my friend bill has got the winner. simple, straight-forward and it references history.

how about the dismayzin's?


got anything better?

um, what?

i can't tell if someone messed up or if this is just horrendous journalism.

read this story from kpho phoenix. here it is, in its entirety.

MESA, Ariz. -- It was supposed to be a two-hour Shakespearean comedy attended by 700 Higley Unified School District sixth-through 12th graders.

But it was not to be.

About 40 minutes into the play, a district official halted the show Monday at the Higley Center for the Performing Arts.

"We stopped the show because we feel that this was inappropriate and not a kind of performance that we want them to see," said Tara Kissane, the district's director of visual and performing arts.

that must have been some seriously bad shakespeare.

also, this happened

the weekend in cell phone pictures

this is cool -- a car on the set of the new coen brothers movie that happens to be in production a few blocks away. i always wondered how they filmed people in cars. it seems like the front seat would be really crowded with a cameraman in there.


two from the dumbo arts festival. dumbo in dumbo!


found what? oh my god, your art is so confusing!


i know it's hard to tell, but take a closer look. i stuck one dart into the other one! slow night at the bar. but at least i am totally robin hood. of darts.


the atlantic antic!!! joy of joys. i love this day! there's something so powerful about watching this street, this street that i both love and hate, worship and curse, be completely transformed, filled to the brim with people and taken over, if only for a day. this is the view from the v.i.p. section, otherwise known as my roof.


special atlantic antic version of...



who wants a mustache ride?

clooney-pitt watch

are they in there?

magnetic field softball

you may remember that i used to be the jinx for our softball team. for three seasons i'd never been present at a victory, although we'd had a few. that streak finally ended earlier this month. with a forfeit. streak over regardless.

after our recent fall season ended due to some field permit weirdness, it looked like we were done playing softball until the spring. but then we were able to squeak into the kings county co-ed fall conference. the games start later because we're playing on a field with lights. it sounds nice.

but i wouldn't know, because so far i've worked through every single game.

and now check out the standings!


note: at press time, magnetic field was 3-0 and tied with the fully-uniformed scary irish bartenders of mcmahons for first place.


THIS IS OUR YEAR BABY!


i'm never going to a game again. my guess is the team would appreciate it.

at least i can still be their bartender.

something new

i'd like to just say, i cannot wait to get my new t-shirt in the mail!!

damn

i knew i should have entered the contest...

peta strikes again

i'm all for the ethical treatment of animals, but peta is starting to resemble a certain pot-smoking, dog-strangling former nfl quarterback.

this story broke tuesday:

SPOKANE, Wash. — Children at a downtown preschool got an unplanned lesson in animal rights activism when their pet rabbit was stolen and anti-circus fliers were left in the animal's cage.

Sugar Bunny vanished from the Community Building Children's Center during a celebration of building renovations Saturday evening, teachers said.

"Somebody stoled him," 5-year-old Zion told The Spokesman-Review, which gave only the first names of him and other children in a report on the heist. "I'm sad."

Lori Peters, a teacher, said watching, petting and playing with Sugar Bunny helped the little children overcome separation anxiety. The theft is being reported to police but it's unclear whether the preschool will find a new pet, she added.

The fliers that were left were for protests against the Ringling Brothers Circus, which was in town Friday through Sunday, and showed a picture of a bear trying to escape beneath the bars of a cage. Listed at the bottom were People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and the Northwest Animal Rights Network.

Daphna Nachminovitch, director of PETA's domestic animal department, said the group would not endorse stealing a pet bunny.

"Just like dogs and cats, (rabbits) have been domesticated, so we encourage people who have the knowledge and ability to adopt rabbits from their local shelters," Nachminovitch said.

Teachers gathered the children in a circle Monday to remember Sugar Bunny, some by drawing pictures and others by writing songs.

"We talked about how some people have different ideas about animals," Peters. "Some people don't think they should be in cages."

and that's just the beginning: petakillsanimals.com

turns out peta kills 85% of the animals they "save." that adds up to 10,000 animals since 1998.

whoa.

suddenly michael vick eating kittens doesn't seem so bad...

stealing is wrong.

but it's also fun, and since this blog stole the laughing baby video i feel like it's ok to steal from them. yes, they did credit my blog, but they didn't provide a link.

anyways, what with the new update and all, i'm suddenly conscious of the links section on other people's pages. and in the links section of said blog i found an amazing site.

it's a dating site run by sean hannity.

really? could this be for real? there's no faq and no link to it from his site, but wikipedia says it's legit.

i guess even conservatives want to find love. even this guy.

I'M THE EASY GOING OUTDOORS TYPE. I LOVE THE BEACH AND THE MOUNTAINS. HIKING , SKIING , BOATING IT'S ALL GOOD. SATURDAY IS A MORNING WALK BY THE SHORE AND THEN A FEW YARD SALES. COOKING DINNER AND WATCHING A MOVIE IS ALSO PRETTY HIGH ON MY LIST. IF YOU LIKE THESE THINGS TOO, MAYBE WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN TOGETHER.

that doesn't sound so bad. but all caps make people sound CRAZY!

criminal or hilarious?

evil bartender or merry prankster?


read the story here.

edits today

as interests change, so too the links.

check em out!

also, new picture.

i almost changed the layout.

but i didn't.

why i always read toothpastefordinner.com

today's birthdays (some)

according to wikipedia. but can they be trusted?

st. francis of assisi
johnny appleseed
t.s. eliot
george gershwin
marty robbins
olivia newton-john

so if today is your birthday, you probably like talking to birds, planting apple trees, writing incredibly obscure poetry, composing country and/or ragtime music, and of course, getting physical.

damn, i should write horoscopes.

damn you, werner herzog

the last post of the day before i head full on into practicing.

someone with a blog saw the video of the baby laughing, and one of her readers posted this in response.

whoa.

fire update part two

the director of public affairs at l.i.c.h. has informed me that he is actually a she. i shouldn't have assumed.

i think i have a new reader!

more

ok, so i'm procrastinating today.

when i was in tanzania a friend played me a track by a french hip hop group called saian supa crew. check out the safe sex style! any french speakers out there want to tell me what they're saying?

if only

if only we could live our lives with this much joy.

from the ticker: good engagement, bad engagement

popping the question via a crossword puzzle? precious beyond words.

robbed at gunpoint seconds after proposing?

actually, i'd say that's much more exciting than doing a crossword together.

fire update

i hope you noticed yesterday's post, in which i single-handedly saved a hospital from burning down. some have called me a hero, but i was just doing my job as a citizen.

you may have also noticed a comment posted from someone at the hospital's public affairs department. well, i've given him a statement and now he says i should call him if i ever need anything from them...

looks like i don't need health insurance after all! sweet.





on a related note, i thought it funny that the google image search for long island college hospital is very different from searching for the hospital's acronym, LICH

last night

all was quiet last night. i tried, i tried so hard, to bring people in. it was the last monday without a show for a long time, so i had a feeling it would be slow. but there was a glimmer of hope, for it was the one year anniversary of vassar night. for a year i've been inviting my friends from vassar to come and hang out on the last monday of every month. it's never drawn more than ten people, but it's always been fun.

so, r.i.p. vassar night, because not a single person came last night. oh well. i think that my friends will be happy that i'll stop bothering them.

so instead it was movie night.

i forgot how much i loved falkor...

weekend highlight

i'm busy today and have a second audition with the band tomorrow, so not much time.

friday night a garbage can caught on fire across the street from the bar. i got to call 911! it was awesome. thanks to yours truly long island college hospital didn't burn down and atlantic avenue didn't look like this.

late night bar antics

who wants a mustache ride?

more quality reportage

thanks again, bbc. i heart silly signs.










the german in the last one is "duckbread is duckdead."

truer words were rarely spoken.

love, hate. love, hate. love, hate.

manhattan can be a magical place. coming out of the subway at union square to the humming throngs of people, boys on bicycles popping peg-stand reverse manuals, gay cuties giving me the eye and crazies with hats made of shredded newspaper. the urban insanity of it all! this is why i moved to new york.

and then again, there are things not so good. $15 for a margarita?!? ok, it was a great margarita, but still...

i went out on a double date last night, and unfortunately my date and i were the unsuccessful half. i think i might have been suckered into the whole thing. a couple hundred dollars later, i'm pretty sure i should have just gone to dick swizzle's sudden death game show instead.

the highlight of the night was ending up at the rooftop garden of the hotel gansevoort in the meatpacking district. sure, stella was $9 for a half pint. i'd never seen a bottle service menu before, i try and avoid such places, but i've got to say it was a bit of a shock. $200 for a bottle of jack daniels? wow.

regardless of the absurd prices, it had been a long time since i'd had a night-time view of the manhattan skyline. the new moon rose high in the crown of the metropolis. the hudson shimmered. elevated tracks long since abandoned cast shadows across streets yellowed by endless taxis. the empire state and its building shone with the power of a thousand suns.

at that point, who cared if the date had failed? it was gorgeous.

this is the only night shot i could find on google image search -- funny, this was exactly the view we had from our table. i think it's remarkably appropriate, given the blurred insanity that was last night.

band?

i think i'm in. music is hard! i fucked up a lot at our first rehearsal.

fine, you try playing bass lines in 6/4 time over feedback harmonics with no drummer.

see, i thought so.

AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

it's international talk like a pirate day!!!!



AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

200th post!

wow, it seems like yesterday that i started this blog. a year and a half already!

as some of you may know i have a couple tattoos, new in the past year. the first one i got is on my left arm:



the image is my own drawing of the eyespot in my left eye. i've had it my entire life . y'know those floaters? that's mine. here's some serious info for those interested in vitreous humour.

today i was watching a family guy rerun while eating homemade vietnamese sandwiches. (nice job ameet! damn tasty.) i happened upon this clip. another example of why i love youtube. so much better than watching the mets lose. again. to the nationals. again. october's no guarantee boys! get it together!

free food protection

for those of you who live in the city and work in the service industry, i thought you might be interested in knowing that the nyc dept. of health is offering free online classes in food protection. usually you have to pay to spend days getting lectured in the basement of the dept. of health offices. this seems a little easier! tell your friends!

https://a816-health12ssl.nyc.gov/dohroot/prjfpc/F2101_HasMenu.aspx

the falling leaves

did i miss something? summer seems to be over and the cool breezy nights of fall are upon us. so it goes.

here's my friends playing a great song they wrote called drunken agreement.



and here's the follow-up story. google "drunken agreement" and it's amazing what kind of ridiculous things people drunkenly agree to:

-boycotting gatorade.

-getting a upside-down penguin tattoo on the ankle.

-running a marathon.

-fulfilling sexual fantasies for seven years.

-providing legal assistance.

-head shaving.

-joining a band. this is one of the most common. i'm auditioning for this new band tomorrow. it was a drunken agreement. could this end badly? hope not.

the news

baggy pants crackdown goes national

in delcambre louisiana, you can be fined $500 and get up to six months in jail for displaying your underwear in public.

i think i'd already be serving a life sentence.

tools make a woman sexier. DIY = hot. um, duh. an excerpt from the oprah.com article:

"For a very long time, I confused DIY with DUI. This said more about how I was raised than about my affinity for alcohol."

that's painful.

also:

what the hell is going on with oj? did he actually organize an armed gang to steal his own sports memorabilia? it's looking like it.

the larry craig toilet at the minneapolis airport has become a tourist destination. i'm totally stopping by when i go home for christmas.

one more thing: it's respect for the aged day in japan. call your elders and tell them you love them. i think i might try and make it for the festivities next year. looks like a blast:

true or false?

toothpastefordinner -- right on the money as usual...

a return to roots

this is me playing my bass guitar.


no, it's actually jack casady from jefferson airplane.

but he plays the same bass as me, the guild starfire II hollow-body model.

and i've been playing mine all day. a band called luff is looking for a new bassist, and i'm in the midst of learning their songs. they're a pretty damn good band! sort of sonic youth-y, a little yo la tengo-y, maybe some slint influence.

listen here!

whoa.

okay, so summer might be breathing its last gasp. but that doesn't mean we can't reminisce about our good times at the wave pool...

the bridge of god

it's always complicated, working through the details of a major construction project. but check out what these engineers have to deal with:

The report was presented to the Supreme Court on Wednesday in connection with a case against a proposed shipping canal project between India and Sri Lanka.

Hindu hardliners say the project will destroy what they say is a bridge built by Ram and his army of monkeys.

Scientists and archaeologists say the Ram Setu (Lord Ram's bridge) - or Adam's Bridge as it is sometimes called - is a natural formation of sand and stones.

i say leave the bridge. so your international trade suffers! c'mon, you have a bridge made by an army of monkeys!

best of?

okay, now that emotional outburst is over.

here's something funny from craigslist.

Alexei the Russian who I found passed out on a car... - w4m


I lent you some shoes after I took you home and let you sleep on my couch.

You had no idea where you lived, and already had your shoes, watch, and phone stolen...

I was a good samaritan...GIVE ME MY SHOES BACK!!!!!

You were supposed to call me and arrange to drop them off...

SHOE STEALER!

reluctant prophesy

okay, i managed to fix the internet. still not sure how exactly, but it's fixed and that's what's important.

of course, now i can't remember all the pithy things i was going to say, all the strange news items have left me and i only have one thing on my mind.

walking out of a bar last night, i looked up into the sky and saw the towers of light for the first time.

it's hard to explain the emotions they bring up. the incredible pain of thousands of innocent deaths, the sacrifices of the rescue workers, the unending ineptitude of our nation's response.

this city was torn asunder on september 11th, but i have a hard time relating -- i was still living in california and it all seemed so distant and unreal. it is not unreal for anyone who lived through it here.

i had just graduated from college that spring. some of you may not know that the thesis i'd finished that april was about the unintended consequences of our nation's long strategic relationship with saudi arabia. essentially my point was that propping up a corrupt monarchy and allowing them to violently oppress dissidence was dangerous, especially given that the dissident movement was well-armed and trained by the united states to fight the soviets in afghanistan.

i ended with the thought that if we didn't start recognizing the meaning of the repeated attacks led by al-qaeda around the world, then they would come to our soil. this in april of 2001.

so when 9/11 came crashing down on us, the first phone calls i got were from school friends saying, damn, i guess you were right.

but i didn't want to be right.

i didn't want to know what i knew.

jonah is the only prophet in the old testament who runs from god's word. rather than embrace his role, he tries to hide from his destiny on a ship at sea.

i felt the same way after the attacks. with my knowledge, which was evidently as forward-thinking as anyone in the defense department, i should have gotten involved somehow, used that knowledge to open people's eyes to the history behind the attacks, which i had just spent two years researching.

but i didn't. i can't really explain why. i was scared. i was tired of the same subject, previously confined to musty library stacks on middle eastern history and suddenly, shockingly brought to life. i didn't know where to turn.

my actions still give me pause. we all have destinies in store. so many of us run from them, hiding behind drugs, alcohol, work, relationships. i applaud those of you who feel like you've accomplished their dreams. i'm still working on mine.

on the wall above my bed is a drawing by brian andreas. next to the drawing it says:

in my dream
the angel shrugged
and said if we fail this
time it will be a
failure of imagination

and then she
placed the world
gently in the
palm of my hand.

do not let your imagination fail you. and i promise to do the same.

again?

now my internet at work is down. this is ridiculous! don't these people know i have a blog to write? i can't ruminate on the anniversary of sept 11 via text! anyways, here's my new tattoo.

busy busy busy

internet still down. at work. too much to do. more later.

damn internet

is my apartment cursed? we finally get internet instead of stealing from the neighbors, and it dies. blogging may be spotty this week. for now, writing downstairs before i open the bar.

and speaking of this week, what a week! r.i.p. pavarotti and madeleine l'engle.

my rant for today is against the woman sitting next to me at joya on saturday night.

i'd say she was forty-ish, super-skinny and blonde. her shirt read "BEAUTY ADDICT" in big letters across her chest. while my friend and i were at the bar waiting for a table, she complained endlessly -- this drink is too strong (!), it's too crowded etc etc etc.

we finally get a table that happens to be right next to her and her older male companion. friend? lover? sugar daddy? couldn't tell.

the two start telling stories of their travels. she starts talking about india.

"wow, what was so shocking for me is that everyone was so skinny! i mean, i'm pretty skinny, but that's because i have good metabolism and work out. but these people are skinny because they have no food!"

i swear, i'm not a violent person, but damn if i didn't want to get up and slap her silly.

too busy today for more. if you want more blogging, check this out.

day two

man i love this job.

beer drinking benefits confirmed

a team of scientists fed guinness to dogs. turns out it *is* actually good for you.

i love it when science confirms a corporate slogan.

the streak, the strike

this is the third season i've played with the magnetic field softball team. we usually lose. mercy ruled losses are common, as are repeated errors by pretty much everyone on the team, yours truly included. but we have been known to pull a victory or two out of our asses, somehow defeating the gigantic beefcake bartenders from bensonhurst or the must-be-paid ringers from smith street locations.

in the middle of my third season, i have yet to play in one of these victories.

loss after loss has piled up and it's starting to distract me from the happy, have-a-beer-rounding-third attitude that works best for playing softball, especially in a bar league and especially on a pretty crappy team. (no offense guys, but we suck.)

even so, heading into wednesday's game, i was hopeful. the team warming up on the field didn't look very good. it was a beautiful afternoon, i'd done a couple hours of yoga and unlike most days i hadn't gone out late night. so i was in tip top shape.

and then the other team didn't have enough players!!! FORFEIT = VICTORY!!! THE STREAK IS OVER. the postgame mug of the VICTORY pilsner we have on tap never tasted better.

we played a scrimmage anyways, and i played against my team. i think they hate me now for getting them out. but at least we won.

bad parts of the day:

pulled a muscle (location: leg) on the last play of the game.

after the game, calling cars for the team and realizing with the taxi strike in full effect that our chances of getting a car down to red hook were slim to none. waited and waited and waited. thank god the kustard king showed up. from the time we called the car to finally getting on the b61 and making it to the bar took almost an hour.

i'm all for strikes, but can you do it in some way that doesn't inconvenience me? thanks a million.

jeez, i pay money for this?

my new internet connection sucks. thus the lack of blogging yesterday. time to catch up!

my new job

thriller revisited

remember the filipino prisoners dancing?

here's thriller from another south asian nation.

no climbing, yes to life!

china is preparing for the pollution-muddled 2008 olympics by cracking down on poorly translated signage. more insightful reporting from the bbc here.

creepy conversation

sunday afternoon. the mets are playing. i'm at the bar. the phone rings.

[RING RING]

me: magnetic field.

guy: yeah, uh, where are you located? [dark, raspy voice]

me: we're at 97 atlantic, brooklyn heights.

guy: ok, uh, what kind of people hang out there?

me: well, it's mostly a young adult crowd, but it depends on the night. we have live music...

guy, interrupting: no, no. do you have the, uh, right kind of people there?

me: [pause] well, i'm not sure what you mean by right, but people are friendly. it's a nice place to meet people.

guy: so no fags, no kikes, no niggers?

me: [long pause] i'm sorry, i don't think that kind of attitude would be welcome at our bar.

guy: alright, well, fuck you and your nigger loving bar. [hangs up]

me: ??????????????

the weekend

friday:

battles, deerhunter. music from scarily skinny boys with tight pants. math rockers with cymbals seven feet high. south street seaport overrun by hipsters. come here, you with mullet, fanny pack and bright pink converse. i must slap you silly. stay away, jailbait. all ages shows have their hazards.

the return of live band karaoke. i'd forgotten how much fun it is. is rockin' in the free world my new song? would be if it wasn't endlessly long and filled with guitar solos.

staying up all night listening to hall & oates.

saturday:

feeling great! let's get rid of this hangover by biking to prospect park. ouch. new hobby: frisbee golf. choose a tree, a rock, a patch of dirt, a spot of sun or shadow and throw a frisbee at it. you get some funny looks, standing ten feet away from an ancient oak tree and tossing a disc into its roots for a birdie shot. errant shots are quickly gathered by passers by to shouts of, no, no, leave it there! i think this is exactly what olmsted had in mind -- screw horses, soccer games, barbeques, biking; prospect park was designed for frisbee golf.

brief interlude at the field.

house party in sunset park. highlight: woman with new boob job shows them off.

sunday:

now things get a little crazy (as if they weren't already!). once a month reading series continues at the bar. readers teach at pratt and invite their classes, but oops, they're almost all under age. 19 year olds turned away in droves, pleading, but my teachers told me to come! sorry kids.

unexpected resolution of awkwardness with a good friend.

it being the holiday, the evening gets sloppy. can't reveal details due to bartender/patron confidentiality. it's legally binding. lots of photobooth pictures and learning the french word for queef.

monday:

lunch watching pedro's return to the mets. i love it when the mets win. time for work already?

today is my first day of my new nannying job. no more exhausting trips to queens -- this mom lives around the corner and works at the salon down the block. free haircuts are a great job perk!

my dad is in england and my friends are in spain. if it weren't so ridiculously beautiful here, i'd be jealous.

time for a massage!