favorite pictures

my favorites

after a quick scan of two years of entries, i think these are my favorites. enjoy! let me know if i missed any of your favorites.

the one that started it all

the flying cat of columbia street

how to get kicked out of carnegie hall

biking to the mermaid parade

it's life and life only

stealing from the neighbors

i am the hunter

lesson: always check your elevation

a story of disaster

creepy conversation

reluctant prophesy

drinking with oedipus

halloween

life after people

how to smoke in bars

still to come: favorite pictures and videos. but i should probably get some work done!

two years!

today marks two years that i have been sending my words/pictures/videos into your eyes via the series of tubes we call internet. that means it's been two years since i moved to new york!

that is just crazy and makes me feel old. but when i think about it, well, i moved to new york with a goal.

believe it or not, it was not to be a bartender and stay up til dawn every night. although that was pretty fun for a while.

and neither was my goal to nanny, although i had some great times with those nutty kids.

no, my actual declared goal was to move to new york and work at the intersection of music and health care. and that's actually what i'm doing!

so even if i feel old, i also feel pretty awesome about that.

i have some work to do this morning but check in later - i have a special recap of the past two years that i'm putting together.

thanks for reading!

xo j

really?! really?!?

so madonna has directed a movie.

"Described as a romantic musical comedy, "Filth and Wisdom" tells the story of a Ukrainian immigrant who finances his dreams of becoming a rock star by moonlighting as a cross-dressing dominatrix."

MADONNA. HOW DARE YOU. STOP STEALING MY LIFE STORY.

as you prepare for easter, a meditation

some perspective

it's one thing to call someone gay as an insult. here's what we call "taking it to the next level." (thanks lynne)

insults

when i was a kid, my friend went to the u.k. and came back explaining that the playground taunting was 1000 times worse than here in the states.

he'd even seen a poor little fat kid crying surrounded by a circle of dancing, chanting children singing "you're a terrible person, you're a terrible person" over and over again.

that's even funnier when you imagine it in a british accent...

a new survey of u.k. teachers reveals this generation's most used insults:

Gay (83%)

Bitch (59%)

Slag (45%)

Poof (29%)

Batty boy (29%)

Slut (26%)

Queer (26%)

Lezzie (24.8%)

Homo (22%)

Faggot (11%)

Sissy (5%)

we are talking about some seriously homophobic kids here!

new shit has come to light

now, those of us originally from oakland know that tupac is obviously still alive. have you listened to don killuminati? the proof is all there.

before he was supposedly killed, he was attacked by a number of unknown gunmen.

according to the LA times, those gunmen may have been hired by

SEAN PUFFY/PUFF DADDY/P.DIDDY COMBS.

p.diddy denies all allegations.

also an interesting part of the story - in the 1994 shootout, tupac accidentally shot himself in the groin. oops!

powerpoint

so i wrote this funny little song about how awesome an office administrator i am and i played it last night.

people seemed to like it and i've had some requests for the lyrics. here they are! maybe some day i'll get off my lazy ass and record it.

my powerpoint is better than your powerpoint
the transitions are so smooth and clear and right
my powerpoint is better than your powerpoint
you couldn't do better if you stayed up all night

my document is better than your document
do you notice how the tabs line up so well?
my document is so much better than your document
seeing my perfect document must be hell

because i am the microsoft master
i get it all done faster
i make the office suite my bitch
you're working dusk til dawn
five minutes and i'm gone
my skills are gonna make me rich

my email is better than your email
i know to bcc my friend
my email is better than your email
you might as well just not hit send

my spreadsheet is better than your spreadsheet
the cells are linked in such a thoughtful way
my spreadsheet is so much better than your spreadseet
in fact, your spreadsheet is totally gay

i am the microsoft master (master)
i get it all done faster (faster)
i make the office suite my bitch
photoshop is next
i'm way past editing text
my skills are gonna make me
my skills are gonna make me
my skills are gonna make me rich

one more picture

i forgot to post this one of my former boss pouring beer on me... thanks boss.

picture time!

this is me singing "feel like makin love" by bad company.

oh live band karaoke, how i will miss you.

thanks for the pics jay!

ps

the only problem with a rock star weekend is monday morning.

rock star weekend

talk about going out with a bang!

friday was the last live band karaoke ever and man oh man, did we do it right.

i seem to remember winning the award for most shirtless... before i even took my clothes off. just one of those nights.

for some reason i can't download jay's pictures at flickr but if you feel like sorting through 500 pictures of drunken mayhem, follow the link above. they're priceless.

thank you so much to those of you who made it to the show last night. it was like a life reunion - three people from my high school in california, friends from college, fellow musicians... i can't believe that's the last time i'll take the stage at the field. i couldn't have felt better about how it went and i'm totally motivated to play more shows. i'll keep y'all posted on that front.

anyways, it's monday and i should probably get some work done!

don't let a crane fall on you today.

garfield minus garfield

http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/

felonies of moral turpitude

some time last year i got into a late night conversation with my friend "rob" about crime. he's a bear of a man, a gigantic puppy with a heart of gold.

turns out he's a convicted felon.

ha! the things you don't know about your friends!

he was busted driving through alabama and the cops found a single seed of pot on the floor of his car. i'm shocked that one seed was enough for a felony conviction, but i guess they're a bit harsh in alabama.

last week i saw this article in the times:

In Alabama, a Fight to Regain Voting Rights Some Felons Never Lost

it turns out that in alabama only felons convicted of crimes of "moral turpitude" - breaking and entering, rape, crimes against society - lose their right to vote.

i thought back to our conversation from many months ago. i called a mutual friend and told him about the story - he said he'd remembered that it was in tennessee. i forgot about it.

then last night i went downstairs for a nightcap.

my friends were at the bar and this big bear of a man wraps his arms around me.

man, i owe you a hug, he says. i'm close to crying, he says. i talked to my lawyer yesterday, and i can vote again!

hooray for voting!


btw, check out the article above. legislation to ease the process to return voting rights to felons was opposed by republicans. i wonder why....

Marty Connors, the chairman of the state Republican Party: "As frank as I can be, we’re opposed to it because felons don’t tend to vote Republican."

there's a shocker.

congratulations "rob"! vote early and vote often.

cleaning

i'm cleaning up my office area!





aren't you glad you read this?

what we want

have you seen "her" myspace page?

and by her i mean "kristen!"

FIVE DIAMONDS!!!!

her music, um, not so much.

http://www.myspace.com/ninavenetta

artwork!

yesterday i made my first flyer!

here it is.

it's for my show on sunday.

you should come!

the big news

yeah, spitzer has resigned. lieutenant governor david paterson will take office on monday. talk about the blind leading the blind! sorry, that might be a little offensive.

in all seriousness though, my friend the secretary of state in minnesota thinks that paterson is brilliant and will be an amazing governor. so that's cool.

but here's the big news!


are you ready for it?


i hope you're ready!



a dolphin rescued two beached whales in new zealand!

how awesome is that?

the original story (with video) is here.

A dolphin has come to the rescue of two whales which had become stranded on a beach in New Zealand.

Conservation officer Malcolm Smith told the BBC that he and a group of other people had tried in vain for an hour and a half to get the whales to sea.

The pygmy sperm whales had repeatedly beached, and both they and the humans were tired and set to give up, he said.

But then the dolphin appeared, communicated with the whales, and led them to safety.

The bottlenose dolphin, called Moko by local residents, is well known for playing with swimmers off Mahia beach on the east coast of the North Island.

Mr Smith said he gave the dolphin a pat to say thank you

Mr Smith said that just when his team was flagging, the dolphin showed up and made straight for them.

"I don't speak whale and I don't speak dolphin," Mr Smith told the BBC, "but there was obviously something that went on because the two whales changed their attitude from being quite distressed to following the dolphin quite willingly and directly along the beach and straight out to sea."

He added: "The dolphin did what we had failed to do. It was all over in a matter of minutes."

Back at play

Mr Smith said he felt fortunate to have witnessed the extraordinary event, and was delighted for the whales, as in the past he has had to put down animals which have become beached.

He said that the whales have not been seen since, but that the dolphin had returned to its usual practice of playing with swimmers in the bay.

"I shouldn't do this I know, we are meant to remain scientific," Mr Smith said, "but I actually went into the water with the dolphin and gave it a pat afterwards because she really did save the day."

hooray for bike riding?

last night i stepped out of the subway after work and found myself invited to a dinner party. what i didn't realize is that the hosts had been drinking sparks all day, which made for a hilarious scene. it was sort of like hanging out with people on speed. which is pretty much only fun if you're on speed too. and since i think sparks is just about the most foul beverage on the planet, i passed and became merely a spectator to the caffeine/taurine/guarana/ginseng fueled madness.

since it's getting on the warm-ish side of winter, i decided to ride my bike. it's still a little cold to ride comfortably, but it wasn't so bad. actually nice to be back on the wheels after most of a winter away.

but i don't think my body was ready for it. i think i tweaked something. something...important.

it feels like someone has grabbed my left testicle. and not in a good way. and they won't let go.

testicular pain makes everything easy and awesome! have a great day!

happy birthday!

today is my friend elaine's birthday! happy birthday elaine.

it's also the birthday of a one dock ellis.

my baseball-minded readers will know mr. ellis.

for those who don't, dock ellis pitched for a number of teams including the pittsburgh pirates.

in june 1970, dock was under the impression that he wasn't pitching that day. so he dropped acid with his girlfriend. and then discovered he was actually pitching.

imagine your worst moment on acid. i don't have any since i've never taken drugs*, but i know some of you have. now imagine that worst moment AT WORK.

whew. that would truly suck.

here's the crazy part: HE PITCHED A NO-HITTER.

you can read the story here:

I can only remember bits and pieces of the game. I was psyched. I had a feeling of euphoria. I was zeroed in on the (catcher's) glove, but I didn't hit the glove too much. I remember hitting a couple of batters and the bases were loaded two or three times. The ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes, sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I tried to stare the hitter down and throw while I was looking at him. I chewed my gum until it turned to powder. They say I had about three to four fielding chances. I remember diving out of the way of a ball I thought was a line drive. I jumped, but the ball wasn't hit hard and never reached me.

*not necessarily true

why to avoid teenagers

i try to stay away from teenagers. other than my sister* they're pretty obnoxious. even early 20s seems young to me now. my god, am i really pushing 30? more like it's pushing me.

sigh.

anyways, here's a great story about how awesome teenagers are.

STDs rife among US teenage girls.

thanks for ruining all the fun, bbc!



*the one who actually reads my blog

elections

did you know that other countries have elections too?

malaysia has just elected a new prime minister.

he better watch his back!

your morning meditation

i'm still working on oliver sacks' musicophilia -- with breaks for vonnegut's the sirens of titans (thumbs up) and rob sheffield's love is a mixtape (thumbs somewhere in the middle).

this morning he was discussing learned muscle activity and explained that

fetal horses gallop in the womb.



one word: ouch.

chuck norris is awesome.

"Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris."

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

new sins

yes, thank you for pointing out the new sins, tempy. you just beat me to it.

speaking of new sins...

hmm... why isn't the new york times site loading?

maybe it's because

NEW YORK GOVERNOR ELIOT SPITZER HAS ADMITTED HE IS LINKED TO A PROSTITUTION RING.

keep an eye on that one!

who you gonna call?

whew, what a weekend. losing an hour in the middle of the night sucks.

"it's cool, i'll head home at 2."

WAIT IT'S 3 AM OMG DID I JUST BLACK OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST HOUR?!?!?!?

that was sort of my experience on saturday night.

yesterday i rested and played guitar and went and saw be kind rewind, which is a very silly movie. basically michel gondry wanted to make home movies with jack black and mos def. i can't find the full versions, even though at the end of the movie it said we could go online and find them but of course i don't remember the exact URL. so a preview will just have to do.

books!

i love em. don't you?

well now i've been asked to write for one. yeah!

they want me to write about the power of blogging to reach a mass audience.

ha! i hope all four of my regular readers found that hilarious.

no, it's a book about arts and HIV. a university press and everything!

details to follow.

a long goodbye

ok i know this is a little more wordy than i usually tend to post but too bad. i'm starting to realize that the field closing means more than a quiet night of sleep. that bar closing means the end of a place where i know there'll always be a friendly face and a warm hello. and in this harsh and unforgiving place that is new york city, that is priceless. and i'll miss it.

there's one more chance to sing live band karaoke, and it's next friday the 14th. but here's their goodbye letter from paul's blog - the original post is here.



Goodbye Magnetic Field

Needless to say, we are all heartbroken at the news that Magnetic Field is closing. We're looking for another regular venue but for all the guys in Bunnie England & The New Originals, the Field has been our home away from home and the staff our second family. We've been doing live band karaoke at the Field for almost 4 years now and I think all the guys in Bunnie England would agree that playing at the Field has been the most rewarding and fun experience we've had as musicians.


Here is something you may not know….Bunnie England & The New Originals would not exist if it wasn't for William Crane and Magnetic Field.


I've known William since 1999 when we both worked for Deja.com along with William's then future wife Cena Pohl and Field co-owner Stephen Freeman. Deja was one of those cool but ill-fated dot.com's that disappeared after the dot.com bubble burst around 2000. William and I remained friends after Deja went away and I was psyched when William told me that he was going to open a bar. He had very big ideas about the décor (sci-fi western?), talked about what a great music venue it was gonna be and mentioned something about a game show??? He told me that owning a bar had always been a dream of his and I was excited by his excitement.


A few months after the bar opened, I got a call from William asking me to put together a live karaoke band to play at the Field. I promptly said NO because I was already in a couple of bands and wasn't too sure about doing the "cover" thing. William was persistent and after a few phone calls in which he mentioned something about actually paying the band and the possibility of all the free beer we could drink, it seemed like a no-brainer. I asked Paul Gil, my band mate in Bastards of Melody, and Dave Noel of the late-great Mexican Elvis if they would like to join me in this endeavor and they both said yes! (I figured they would when I mentioned the thing about the free beer.) Thus, Bunnie England & The New Originals was born.


William even gave us our name….Back when William and I worked at Deja.com, we had a company band. Lot's of great musicians worked at Deja so it seemed like a cool thing to do if for no other reason than to play at the company Christmas parties. I played guitar, William played drums and Cena played bass. The other band member shall remain nameless at this time….Anyway, William was already using the name Dick Swizzle and dressing up as the old, drunk, used up, Vegas style game show host we've all come to know and love. Some of the other band members also had nicknames so I wanted one too. I came up with some really lame ones that nobody liked. Then one day, out of the blue, William walked up to me and said "you're Bunnie England." I have no idea how he came up with it or what it meant but it sounded cool so I was Bunnie England…at least for that day.


Fast forward four years - We still hadn't come up with a name when we decided to schedule our first live band karaoke show at the Field, but William went ahead and started promoting the show on the Field website as "come sing with Bunnie England." I really didn't want to be a "solo artist" but William already had the ad up on the site. What to do…I asked the guys in the band if they had a good idea for a name and Dave Noel started doing that scene from This Is Spinal Tap in an English accent…"we were the Creatures, then the Lovely Lads, then the Originals, then the New Originals..." That was it. We put the two together and viola! Bunnie England & The New Originals, the world's greatest live karaoke band.


I don't know how many shows we've played at the Field, probably close to 100. The Field opened up a lot of doors for us including a long running residence at the Cutting Room in NYC where we backed up some semi-famous TV stars such as Chris "Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire" Noth from Law & Order and Horatio Sanz from Saturday Night Live (we couldn't get him off the stage.) We were also featured on NYC's TV25 and have played tons of private parties and various and sundry clubs and bars in New York and New Jersey.


The staff at the Field always treated us like the rock stars that we thought we were. Thanks to William and co-owner Lee Greenfeld who let us use their gear, hired great soundmen and, as mentioned, kept us well "lubricated" during Bunnie England shows.


We have some great memories of the Field including the crazy, over the top, way too much fun Kentucky Derby parties hosted by Michael Boyd, Nina singing "99 Red Baloons"…in German!, the guy who nailed "I Feel Good" complete with authentic James Brown dance moves, William spraying beer all over the stage while singing "Crazy Train" and slipping and falling on his ass (this happened more times than William cares to remember) and Bunnie England host Steve Reynolds blowing us away the first time he sang "Surrender" with us.


Thanks also to all the regulars including Boyd, Ed, Jon Quinn, John Sic, Aggie, Abigail, Jessica, Billy Reno, Miguel, Joe, Cindy, Matt, Katherine, John McD, Gregor, Kathryn, Marya, Jamie, Melanie, Cassie J and YOU if we left you out…Thanks also to the staff past and present: William, Lee, Devon, Charlene, Michelle, Jonah, Matt and Kate.


Oh yeah, I guess we should thank all the great drummers we played with at the Field, if I can remember them all….Scott Treude (Grandma Death!), Troy Messina, Jeff Prosetti and Dave Noel.


We've got two more Field shows and hopefully we'll see you all again when we get settled in our new digs, wherever that may be. Bye bye Magnetic Field, thanks for birthin' us. We're gonna miss ya.


Paul Crane (Guitarist - Bunnie England & The New Originals)

i have a dream

last night i had a dream that i was bartending and this super drunk guy came in and i wouldn't serve him and he got mad and i asked him to leave and he jumped behind the bar and picked up a garbage can and started throwing up and then he threw up on me and then i got mad and he got madder and put down the garbage can and pulled out a gun which i knocked out of his hand and then i started throwing glasses and bottles at him until he left and then i got in trouble for breaking glasses.

the end.

how to smoke in bars

looks like they've found a loophole in the new-ish smoking ban in minnesota. turns out smoking is permitted in theatrical productions. so they've turned the bars into "theatre"...

At The Rock, a hard-rock and heavy-metal bar in suburban St. Paul, the "actors" during "theater night" do little more than sit around, drink, smoke and listen to the earsplitting music.

"They're playing themselves before Oct. 1. You know, before there was a smoking ban," owner Brian Bauman explained. Shaping the words in the air with his hands, like a producer envisioning the marquee, he said: "We call the production, `Before the Ban!'"

....One bar on northern Minnesota's Iron Range, the Queen City Sports Place, calls its nightly smokefest "The Tobacco Monologues."

i have decided

that karaoke is awesome. anyone who wasn't at the field last night missed a magnificent display. i seem to remember falling asleep to my bed vibrating to people screaming I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL etc.

now if only i had any voice left today...

do... re... ME ME ME ME

as if this blog wasn't the ultimate form of self-obsession already...

here is video of me on TV! this version is much more exciting than the old video.

good morning

toothpastefordinner

guess who i just talked to?

marky ramone's manager. she was trying to find a nonprofit to partner with for this:

yay 2007!

i'm working on my taxes this morning. when the boss is away, the workers will... play? i wouldn't quite call doing my taxes "playing," but it's nice to relive the wonders of 2007 and the four-figure income i made last year. man, that was the high life!

it's official, i have become utterly obsessed with pandora. the aretha franklin station had me bouncing through the monday doldrums. i've merged all my stations today into a quick mix. i know you're curious. here are the stations i'm mixing:

aretha franklin
marvin gaye
the meters
bill frisell
sigur ros
mum
john coltrane
juana molina
sufjan stevens
iron & wine
the velvet underground
tom waits
prince
stars
andrew bird
the besnard lakes
the rolling stones
the flaming lips
los campesinos
the arcade fire
the magnetic fields
the b52s
atom & his package
mates of state
neutral milk hotel
the mountain goats

now that is some fine lis'nin. nothing quite jumping from prince to tom waits!

post number 357

good morning! what a beautiful day. incredible how a little warmth and sunshine can change your outlook on everything.

also, this is the sweetest thing i've read in a long time. thanks again, craigslist!

Intelligent atheist white man seeks sweetie

I'm a single atheist white man, 54, reputedly intelligent, with unusual interests in politics, science, music and dance.

I'd like to meet a woman with varied interests, curious about the world, comfortable expressing her likes and dislikes (I hate struggling to guess), delighting in her ability to fascinate a man and in being loved tenderly, who values joy, truth, beauty and justice more than "success"--so we can share bouts of intense, passionately kind awareness of each other, alternating with tolerant warmth while we're absorbed in other aspects of life.

My 23-year-old child, the Free Software Movement, occupies most of my life, leaving no room for more children, but I still have room to love a sweetheart if she doesn't need to spend time with me every day. I spend a lot of my time traveling to give speeches, often to Europe, Asia and Latin America; it would be nice if you were free to travel with me some of the time.

Reply and we'll see where it leads.

new layout!

it's friday afternoon. time for a new look.

this template is called "snapshot tequila."

i couldn't resist.

enjoy your weekend folks!

practice this weekend!

sunday night i will be holding a buzkashi tournament. so start practicing.

what? what's buzkashi?

haven't you been to afghanistan? even prince harry has been to afghanistan.

well, buzkashi is a afghani game.

"buzkashi, or "goat dragging", is played with two teams of horsemen competing to throw a decapitated goat into a scoring circle."

AWESOME!!! LET'S PLAY!!!!

garfield minus garfield

i'm getting a little tired of the cold. after a couple winters in minnesota, the new york winter doesn't get to me as much, but it still takes a lot out of me. i have a feeling that march is going to be a bleary month, what with the endless concerts and such in the last month of magnetic field's life.

speaking of which, i've just set up an acoustic show on sunday march 16th. i'll be playing with the 5th and i promise you that i will play songs. and so will they. there will be shots of jameson. this is our drunken agreement.

anyways, here's a new favorite webcomic. i feel like it completely captures the dark mood of late february.

garfield minus garfield.

morning wisdom

enjoy this rare february 29th!

wondering what to do today?

more good advice from our friends at toothpastefordinner.

goodbye silver trees :(

closing bell video

click here to watch the video of the closing bell ceremony! awkward clapping! loud noises! boring clips of the stock exchange floor!

yes!

three:fifty-five pm eastern

a link to a live video feed of the closing bell ceremony goes live at 3:55 PM ET. i'll put up the archive link tomorrow in case you miss it!

click here for live video feed

electricity is important

especially when you're on the subway and there's no power. i love spending an hour getting to know my fellow riders.

actually, i don't.

being stuck in the subway SUCKS.

cnbc, fox business, bloomberg

the above cable channels will be showing myself and my company closing the stock exchange tomorrow at 4 pm!!!!!!!!

fyi, nyse

for your information i will be closing the stock exchange with my coworkers tomorrow.

hells yeah.

improv everywhere

their newest project is mobile desktop.

i only wish my setup was as convenient!

neutral milk hotel

is one of the best bands ever. well, they at least produced one of the best albums ever, that being in the aeroplane over the sea. it's an album so fraught with emotion that the lead singer/songwriter pretty much went crazy (if he wasn't before) and started recording bulgarian folk music.

a friend of one of my co-workers is involved in a project to record videos to every song on the album. they just finished!

check it out!

http://tomatoes-radiowire.com/

wetriffs

check out this amazing gallery. wet people playing guitars. probably not safe for work, depending on where you work.

and speaking of work, my boss just gave us a snow day! who wants to go and play in the snow???

snow!

a sad, sad day

BROOKLYN'S MAGNETIC FIELD TO CLOSE DOORS

After five-plus years of rocking Atlantic Avenue and entertaining thousands of customers and welcoming hundreds of great bands, Magnetic Field in Brooklyn will be closing its doors on March 31st. Co-owners Lee Greenfeld and William Crane would like to personally thank all of Magnetic Field's staff and patrons for their loyalty over the past few years, as well as all the numerous bands who have brought some truly tremendous and memorable performances to our stage, such as The A-Bones, Black Hollies, Black Lips, the Brought Low,Cynics, Dansettes, Detachment Kit, Mitch Easter, The Figgs, The Fleshtones, Gabby Glaser, Insomniacs, Lenny Kaye, Lilys, Klimpter, Lyres, Glen Mercer, Mugs, Nashville Ramblers, Nouvellas, The Plimsouls, Ponys, Reigning Sound, Real Kids, Shaw Nuff, Steve Wynn And The Miracle 3, Voxtrot, Woggles, and so many more!


We are currently working on a blow-out last week of shows to run March 24th through the 31st. Check our website (http://www.magenticbrooklyn.com) or our MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/magenticfield) for details about these shows when they are announced.

--

Lee Greenfeld will continue to book and promote shows -- as well as manage bands -- through his Dead Flowers Productions (www.DeadFlowers66.com).

William Crane will work towards expanding his ever-growing gameshow empire via his Dick Swizzle alter-ego (www.DickSwizzle.com).

high fructose corn syrup

first of all, the lunar eclipse was pretty awesome. next time, though, moon, could you please schedule your eclipse in the summer? it got damn cold up on the roof.

i want to take a moment to talk about corn. i'm in the midst of reading the omnivore's dilemma by michael pollan. as the book explains, basically, humans have become walking piles of corn. you can find corn in 30% of the 45,000 items in an average grocery store. corn feeds our cattle, pigs, chicken and even fish. it's more or less impossible to avoid, unless you're motived (or wealthy) enough to eat from local markets (farmers, CSAs etc).

anyways, i've had it on my mind and today as always, toothpastefordinner is right there with me.

united states of food additives

cutest toddler ever?

a message for today (marriedtothesea.com)

worst. movie. ever.

i sat down for the long flight from san francisco. it was a bittersweet trip - no one likes to see their heroes (aka my grandparents) broken and ravaged by age. at nearly 90, they are tired. my grandma is mostly blind and my grandpa's spine has been disintegrating for twenty years. so it's not the happiest time hanging out with them, even if their spirit is still strong.

so with a heavy heart i boarded the flight home and discovered that delta's satellite tv system was broken. so to pass the long trip i watched "dan in real life." it was horribly, painfully bad and i wish i'd never watched it.

i just thought i would share with you.

the service industry

i'm not in it any more, but it can be exhausting, infuriating, just maddening. sometimes a customer will treat you with such contempt that it's tempting to do worse than just spit in their drink.

here's one way to get back at those assholes.

total eclipse of...

the moon!

on wednesday night!

who wants to go to coney island?

ward of death

back from a peaceful, quiet trip to california, a trip full of naps in the afternoon, sleeping in and staying up late catching up with old friends and giggling. i walked a lot, marveling in the simple joy of warm sun on my face and knowing which curbside plants are edible.

but all was not exactly peaceful. saturday evening we heard gunshots ring out on ward street and quickly the block was swarming with police and their requisite sirens and spinny lights. like five squad cars in less than a minute. as we walked out to head to san francisco, we heard a woman screaming, please, she's bleeding, let me help her before the ambulance comes. whoa.

when we came back late that night, the street was sealed off and the cops escorted us to the door. excuse me sir, but what happened tonight? we asked our uniformed, middle-aged bespectacled asian escort. "well, there was an incident that we responded to."

ok, thanks for the thorough description. we immediately checked online and discovered that the cops had shot and killed a drunken grandmother wielding a knife.

and now the debate begins. self-defense? or unnecessary and extreme violence?

"neighbors blame cops in shooting death"

the depth of february

i have escaped. from the frigid, bustling northeast i find myself in a palm-treed paradise. spring is already here, the cherry blossoms are full and splendid and the first thing i noticed this morning was the smell of freshly cut grass.people are people again, with arms and legs and faces; no walking piles of down and wool here.

would someone please remind me why I moved to new york?

please, help this man find love

from the best of craigslist. somewhere out there is this man's perfect woman. let's hope she's in kansas city too!

lvl 8 ogre mage seeks moon queen or druid

I am a lvl 8 warrior seeking my adventuring companion for game play and fornication. I partake in only adventure/fantasy role play, no creepy goth stuff, it’s too weird. Only sanctioned spells allowed, costume dress optional but preferred. I have the body of a wandering Norwegian brawler and short brown hair. Please be quite buxom and imaginative for play and enjoy fantasy role play aesthetics. Please send pics, leves, preferred adventure type and spell list. We could go get dinner (under $20), and watch a movie. Also I’m allergic to cats.

oh, and

happy valentine's day!

i hate being single on valentine's day.

ready to go

i'm not in a good mood today. i'm not sure why. maybe i'm underslept. maybe i need to get laid. maybe i'm just ready to be in california. i'm not at all excited about a seven hour flight in a middle seat -- it's all that was left -- but man oh man, am i looking forward to being out there. it's cold today and the possibility of warm sun on my face is pretty damn appealing. weather forecast: in the 50s all weekend. hells yeah.

jesus = beautiful

this is an ad for lip balm. flavor, virtuous vanilla. awesome.

countdown: 45 days

it will be 45 days until our new phone system is installed. it's going to be awesome. caller ID (finally!), online-based call forwarding to mobile, pretty new phones with computer screens.

i want a remote headset. aw yeah.

on such a crappy, rainy day, i have to find optimism somewhere. the arcade fire station on pandora is helping. but the fact that i'm playing a late set tonight at a dive in the lower east side isn't making my outlook brighter.

uno = one

i hope you all watched the westminster dog show last night. i damn near cried when the beagle won. i would love to write all about it but i have a meeting uptown. if someone is selling us something, shouldn't they come to us?!?

a little morning adventure

the crush of the morning commute. not my favorite part of my new job. in fact, it may be my least favorite part. i take the 4 train into manhattan every day, and there are some days where the crowds are beyond pushy towards rude and obnoxious.

this morning i managed to get a seat as i got on the train, a rare luxury. as i sat down and cracked open a new book (love is a mixtape, rob sheffield), two riders bumped into each other near me. one went absolutely nuts, cursing and spitting and telling the other to back the fuck off and find some space.

the other, a tall dreadlocked black man, turned slowly towards the man, now nearly frothing at the mouth. he looked him calmly in the eye and said

stand down, wannabe soldier.

after that, silence.

don't you wish that worked with president bush?

shred forever

i don't know whether you ended up watching the shreds clips i posted a while back.

well, i went online to show some friends last week and discovered that all the shreds clips were gone! pulled assumingly for copyright infringement... or because the artists were totally embarrassed. i was pretty bummed, as these clips are now part of my regular viewing.

thanks to the magic of the wired blog, the posts are now online in full:

watch them here.

music genome project

ok, back in the goodle days i worked for an up and coming internet company as a professional almost-spammer (and my friends wonder why i email and text them all the time!). when i worked there i was obsessed with pandora, a personalized online radio station. it's been a long time since i checked them out, but after years of indexing their music the quality of links and relevant groups is way beyond what it used to be. and now i am a man obsessed.

my favorite stations so far are stations for neutral milk hotel and the meters. check it out for yourself!

www.pandora.com

r.i.p. roy scheider

heaven is going to need a bigger boat.

frozen

ok, the temperature today is completely unacceptable. definitely below zero wind chill. in minnesota the weather includes a pain index rating - that's how much it will hurt when you go outside. i'd say we've got about a 6 out of 10.

and speaking of frozen, my favorite crew is at it again. i'm finally on their mailing list so i won't miss out on things like this:

how to market aggressively

with recent indicators of an economic downturn, things are getting hard for local merchants. they're starting to accept euros in manhattan. and why not?

i found this picture in the subway. i guess the local merchants are really struggling to keep their customers.

c'mon doughboy, you were such a good shopper! please come back!

we need a new intern.

so we help her keep her visa. but if she doesn't do any work, can we send her back to france?

anyone feel like labeling CDs and doing data entry for no pay?

contender for worst book ever

i finally finished foucault's pendulum. umberto eco, i give you the same advice connery gave trebek.

suck it, eco. suck it long. and suck it hard.

onwards to vonnegut!

an important message from the staten island zoo

the age of aquarius

sister's birthday on saturday, uncle's on sunday and then my mom and grandpa today. i can't take it any more! plus, if i'm going to call you for your birthday, answer your dang telephone! a birthday message just doesn't cut it.

speaking of astrology, there's a full lunar eclipse this month, and it's visible in all of north america. make a note in your calendar: for the east coast, check it out february 20th between 8:43 and 11:09 pm, with totality between 10:01 and 10:51.

in other news, i figured out how to make those embedded youtube clips tiny!

it's understandable that a cowboys fan would be angry at the cowboys loss to the giants on their way to super bowl glory! tickertape parade tomorrow!

man, that would suck

i don't know if you heard, but whole continents have lost internet service and it may not be up for a while.

how are these people entertaining themselves at work? how are they keeping abreast of the britney situation? what are their sources for video of sedated cats?

i feel for you people, i really do.

stupid undersea cables.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh is very different from AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

the event is over and a smashing success. it was one of the most stressful days of my entire life. not a big surprise that it was a little challenging: four different DVD and slideshow inputs on 13 video screens and having them look sharp and at the proper aspect ratios with the proper timing and synced up with a soundtrack and live stage cues... whew!

but i did meet gavin degraw and danced with germany's next top models. and by with i mean on the balcony above them. close enough.

thanks for emails and texts of encouragement -- especially all who let me know that the mets had picked up santana!

since we had an official photographer i didn't bring my camera but i'll let you know when there are pictures online.

for now:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

the benefit

crunch time.

did i tell you seal is performing?

he's bringing along his pretty wife.

that would be heidi klum.

did you know her legs are insured for $3.5 million dollars?

she's bringing some friends.

did i mention that

THEY ARE THE CONTESTANTS ON GERMANY'S NEXT TOP MODEL?

well they are.

it's my job to host them.

no, that last one isn't true. but i wish it was.

dancing

the benefit is tomorrow! aaaah!

and now, dancing.

glumbert - Best wedding first dance ever

the reuters board

so i've been working on various design elements for our upcoming benefit -- invites, flyers, full page ads in fader, entertainment weekly and people etc. i've learned a huge amount about design in the past couple of months but i would never imagine that i would ever take part in something so grand.

on monday and tuesday, go to times square at the corner of 43rd and 7th avenue. look up.

i made this!

dammit

sorry to miss the match game last night. i'm sure it was family-friendly fun, just like dick always is.

for the second day in a row, i've been at the hard rock cafe in times square before 10 am. times square is pretty much my least favorite place on earth, but damn, before i've had my coffee it's just brutal. although it is cool to see people up on cherry pickers with giant swiffers cleaning the displays.

the dammit title is for the feeling i had when i opened my bag this morning and discovering i'd left my book at home. staring at dr zizmor ads is not my idea of a good subway ride.

it's probably all for the best though, because i'm reading foucault's pendulum by umberto eco, which is a little bit like reading a book in a foreign language that i don't understand very well.

"o ? with the ? in the arms of ? and forced by ? to make a sacred vow that ? would revere" etc etc etc.

a new world order

turns out a couple of welsh crazies have started

the CHURCH OF THE JEDI.

We would read out essays members of the congregation have submitted on their feelings about the Jedi and the Force: do meditation, relaxation and visualisation techniques and a bit of light-sabre training.

check out the linked article, especially for the picture of darth vader with the tagline

It is hoped Jedi church members will resist Darth Vader's dark side.

well, i think i know what their theme song will be:

never forget

marriedtothesea.com

yo momma's on crack rock

here's a link to video of amy winehouse smoking crack.

"The star, her new bottle-blonde hair looking dull and lifeless, then drifts through her lounge in search of the next fix."

below: why i love image search.

life after people

this morning as i ate my yogurt and granola i watched the first few minutes of the new special on the history channel called life after people.

i learned a couple of things.

1) computer animators love to create footage of big things falling down. like bridges, skyscrapers and apartment complexes.

2) if the sump pumps that keep new york subways groundwater-free were to stop working, the tunnels would fill with water within 36 hours.

3) footage of starving dogs trying to pry open refrigerators makes me want to cry.

DON'T WATCH LIFE AFTER PEOPLE IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY.

this is from the show's website:


Small Dogs - Bred over hundreds of years to be smaller, easier to care for and to require less food and exercise, small breeds of dogs, like the ever-popular chihuahuas, Yorkshire terriers and pugs, will have difficulty staying alive after the demise of their owners. Although they can be highly intelligent, these small dogs have short legs and little strength or endurance, which will make it difficult for them to compete for food-if they can even make it out of the house, the first test of their survival. The smallest dogs probably won’t last a week without humans.

i have a dream

i have a dream.

that i wasn't working today.

r.i.p.

rest in peace bobby fisher.

you were a damn fine chess player.

but man you were weird.

oh say can you see...

can you imagine if our national anthem didn't have words and we just sang LA-la la la la LA instead? sort of fun i think.

MADRID (Reuters) - Proposed new lyrics for Spain's national anthem have stirred national divisions rather than pride and have been scrapped, the Spanish Olympic Committee said Wednesday.

Spain's "Royal March" national anthem has been played without words since 1978, when lyrics approved by right-wing dictator Francisco Franco were ditched.

With the Beijing games approaching, Spain's Olympic committee held a competition to find new words for the anthem rather than see its athletes hum along or chant "la, la, la," as has long been the case.

Spanish opera star Placido Domingo was to be the first to sing it.

But the winning version was leaked and met derision in the Spanish media and among members of parliament responsible for approving the lyrics.

The anthem's opening words, "Long live Spain!" had an authoritarian ring to them and one prominent left-wing leader said they "stank" of the Franco era.

The nationalistic tone did not appeal to separatists in the Basque Country and Catalonia.

Not even the political right showed much enthusiasm for the words written by an unemployed 52-year-old, Paulino Cubero, who said he wanted lyrics that would appeal to ordinary Spaniards.

"The words needed to unite and have a general consensus. But we have seen the controversy they have caused and have decided to withdraw them," Spanish Olympic Committee Chairman Alejandro Blanco told a news conference.

"We are continuing with the idea that the hymn will have words and that Placido Domingo will sing them at the presentation."

Domingo said he backed the decision.

"If these words aren't generally acceptable, we have marvelous writers that will be able to come up with something. But I don't want to go with something that causes controversy," he said

The Olympic committee will next meet on January 22 to see if it is possible to find national anthem lyrics that get all Spaniards singing off the same song sheet.

there is a reason

there is a reason why computers shouldn't come with built-in cameras.


of all the swag we give away, kazoos are definitely my favorite.

300th post!

i'm back into the swing of things, i guess. made it to 300! i woke up at 6 am and headed straight to work. our big benefit is just around the corner and things are getting a little hairy.

so i'll have to let another clip speak for me. in honor of the new magnetic fields album, here's stephen merritt... on a local news morning show.

when you choose to interview a sardonic writer of anti-love songs, be ready to face the consequences.

SANTANA ROCKS OH YES!!!

how not to kill a mouse

we have a mouse living in our stove. i thought maybe cooking things in the oven might make him/her uncomfortable. so far no such luck. and now i'm having second thoughts about my technique.

Blazing mouse sets fire to house

A US man who threw a mouse onto a pile of burning leaves could only watch in horror as it ran into his house and set the building ablaze.

Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner, New Mexico, found the mouse in his home and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," he was quoted as saying by AP.

Though no-one was injured, the house and everything in it was destroyed.

"I've seen numerous house fires, but nothing as unique as this one," Fire Department Captain Jim Lyssy said.

New Mexico has seen several major blazes after unseasonably dry and windy conditions which have destroyed 10 homes and devastated more than 53,000 acres (21,200 hectares) of land.

best headline of 2008

yeah, i know we're only 11 days into this year.

but so far, i haven't seen a better newsheadline:

News Flash: Universe Still a Mystery

speaking of gross...

twins separated at birth accidentally get married. wow.

new sights

y'all know how much i love the toothpaste. and having it for dinner.

what you may not know is that drew, the artist who runs toothpaste, is also a talented writer. in one of his old posts which i can't seem to find, the ohio native described a trip to new york city.

and what did he take away from a weekend in this glorious epicenter of culture?

he noted the lack of bathrooms.

yes, it is a problem, and i've got to say the day i spent in the lower east side with a pregnant friend was quite a challenge. that baby-to-be pressing on her bladder brought us to some interesting places in search of relief.

drew's technique was to pretend to be very, very drunk and fall down in the gutter. bushes also work well. once stationed properly, he would unzip his pants, pee in the gutter, zip up and walk away.

genius. if a little gross.

but drew, i am happy to say, at least in the flatiron district, you now have options.



read about the "first flush" ceremony here.

for the ambitious cripple

ok, so i am busy right now. i think about posting but dammit, i have a lot going on.

when i get off work, i like to get home and relax in a comfy chair. hmm, i wonder what it would be like if i could take that comfy chair on the road?


something like this, maybe?

what not to say

report on espn this morning:

Golf Channel anchor Kelly Tilghman has apologized after saying during Friday's telecast of the PGA Tour's opening event that today's young players should "lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley."

According to New York Newsday, a spokesman for the network said Tilghman apologized on Sunday's telecast and has reached out to Woods' representatives to express her regrets for the comments.

Tilghman, who played college golf at Duke, works as the main play-by-play announcer during The Golf Channel's PGA Tour telecasts.