a night in carroll gardens

i heart my neighborhood.

coming home late night after a saturday sunset park bowling adventure, we took our usual route down smith street. carroll gardens, as many of you know, is an old italian neighborhood, after being irish for a time, then norwegian - longshoreman, mostly, what with the nearness of the heavily-trafficked port of brooklyn, not to mention the industrial wasteland of the gowanus canal. there are a number of italian social clubs, though not as many as there once were. the doors of these clubs tend to be manned by barrel-chested, cigar-smoking beefcakes. who knows what goes on behind the heavily-curtained windows, but it likely has something to do with waste management. this is not the kind of place you mess around - which reminds me, i wonder how these halloween vandals are doing.

but i digress. it was midnight on smith street. we emerged from the subway to a large cadre of italians emerging from a local restaurant, faces flush with drink, their hearty laughs and cigar smoke filling the brisk fall air. breaking off from the group, a woman with a cane gingerly made her way towards the open door of a mammoth SUV. being that i spent a few months last year on crutches and canes, i'm sensitive to the particular plights of the cane-bound. i made my way to give her a hand and close the door behind her. suddenly the men from the group surrounded me. HEY!! LOOK AT THIS GENTLEMAN! WHAT A FINE MAN, HELPING THIS WOMAN! SO COURTEOUS!! SO CHIVALROUS! as they shouted, these large, drunk italians grabbed me by the shoulders, shook my hands, embraced me. i was mobbed by the mob. the husband of the woman happily demanded why i would dare to make him look bad in front of his old lady. they pulled kathryn aside and advised her to marry me immediately. they howled and hooted like wild things.

we walked on, marveling at the midnight magic, at the unforgettable adventures that new york city presses upon you, at the ecstatic night filled with wine-soaked laughter and the lingering scent of overly-cologned italians.

Lobby dance (92nd st y 75th anniversary)

Vacation over!

This was just too good not to post. Sorry about that long hiatus. I'm going to try and get back into the swing of things and post regularly.

Awesome funeral part two

Awesome funeral part one

Sometimes I forget to look up

But it is so dramatic!

Too late

Mmmm

2nd avenue finger

I'm famous!

One who brings bad luck??

6 am

The city that never sleeps... likes to sleep in on Sundays. Second Ave at 6 am. Empty!

I PAID MONEY WHERE IS TRAIN

i put this up back in september!

and now look at superpoop!

Good advice (mars bar)

No!

"Dog?"

No thanks

sometimes i miss bartending

the perfect music for a snowy brooklyn day

hoppipolla

i've been watching a lot of planet earth recently - the david attenborough version, natch; sigourney weaver is ok at best. the ads for planet earth featured this beautiful song by sigur ros - check out the old folks on a rampage. amazing.

what a way to wake up

this was the first thing i heard this morning.

Heh

did you ever get private eyes stuck in your head?

The Procedure, with Willem Dafoe & Will Ferrell from Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay

curious pugs

Curious Pugs - watch more funny videos

best. interview. ever.

ok i stand corrected. that was a pretty awesome interview. but this one is just unreal.

again & again

arctic unicorns!

way to go bbc. thanks for my news stories this morning!

check out this video of narwhal. i love david attenborough.

also, here is a video about a john cage composition that is 639 years long. they just changed the chord!

song of the day (friday)

i was super busy on friday and meant to find this... i was recovering from my five minute stint as bruce springsteen at karaoke. not as bad as recovering from the party this weekend!

song of the day

the new tv on the radio is awesome! of course it is.

check out this video to see instruments delivered from heaven.

driving test

i failed my permit test. my permit expired after i left the country. you guys, the california written test is hard!

but i only failed it once.

L-test hell for S Korean driver

A South Korean grandmother has failed her written driving test 771 times.

Police in the city of Jeonju said the 68-year-old woman has taken, and failed, the written test repeatedly since April 2005.

She failed the exam once again on Monday but has said that she will continue trying.

The woman, identified only by her family name Cha, has repeatedly scored between 30 and 50 marks, below the pass mark of 60 out of 100.

The Korea Times reports that Mrs Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes.

She currently carries the items in a handcart, but thought that she might need a car for her business.

Police estimate she has spent more than four million won (£2,000) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won, in addition to other expenses.

"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her," says Park Jung-seok, a traffic police officer.

Mrs Cha has said that she will be back for another attempt. If she passes, then she can begin the practical test.

one last disturbing thought before bed.

did you hear about these breasts? this woman has had EIGHT surgeries to increase her bust to a mind-boggling 34 FFF.

but wait. that's still not enough.

now she's gone to brazil because the state of texas REFUSED to put any more silicone in her boobs... she already has a GALLON in there. so disgusting.

here are her new, world-record setting 38 KKK size breasts. and with them, i have to assume, new, world-record setting back pain.

ew.

best. interview. ever.

john oliver has freakin BALLS people.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Oliver's Travels - Kenya

Daily Show Full Episodes
Funny Political Videos

Important Things With Demetri Martin
More Funny Videos

song of the day

how amazing is this video? pat benatar was pregnant during filming - check out how they only show her face. well, they do show her whole body... but through a waterfall.

They've been up since january

song of the day

kanye is WAY better when synced by galifianakis.

Can't Tell Me Nothin' from Zach Galifianakis

on the subject of michael phelps

dude, a 23 year old has to apologize for taking a hit from a bong?

have you seen what he eats?

how do you think he keeps his appetite up?

pillow fight

i just got a whole batch of new music to catch up with the times. david byrne and brian eno's new collaboration, fleet foxes, the new andrew bird album.

but i am like teenage-obsession obsessed with this song by band of horses.

song of the day

is not actually a song... but it's an audio file. close enough, i say?

this is old but it's still awesome!

a cop stole pot from a suspect, made brownies with his wife, and then thought he was dying!

you can listen to his 911 call here.

"what's the score on the red wings game? i just want to make sure this isn't an hallucination."

song of the day proves controversial.

i'm not sure i should stick with this... i pissed off steve by stealing his idea (i would guess not really too badly though) and then i really pissed off mike doughty (see comments) ... or someone pretending to be mike doughty.

it would be kind of weird, right? if mike doughty took my blog post personally? i just thought the last couple albums have been a little overproduced. "ghastly" was harsh.

i love mike doughty. i can even recite a fair number of doughty's songs from start to finish. oh doughty. please forgive me. remember the show at the charles river bandshell? maybe 1998? you signed my friend's dugout. you wrote that you did not condone. that was awesome.

song of the day

i haven't had a very easy time recently coming up with funny things to say. see below, 'cello scrotum.'

so i have decided to sort of steal from my friend steve. hey, i bet you're thinking, steve is a pretty nice guy, why are you stealing from him?

well, steve has this great blog with songs of the week. i am going to go on a voyage on the one ups man ship. i am going to try and post a new song every day! that way i will always have something to say. because you all know that i have a hard time thinking of things to say.

today: snow in new york, and i hear the bells. a rare quality song from mike doughty's ghastly solo albums.

cello scrotum.

Peer reveals 'cello scrotum' hoax

A top doctor has admitted her part in hoodwinking a leading medical journal after inventing a medical condition called "cello scrotum".

Elaine Murphy - now Baroness Murphy - dreamt up the painful complaint in the 1970s, sending a report to the British Medical Journal.

She came clean when the hoax resurfaced in the 2008 Christmas edition.

A BMJ spokesman said the inclusion and subsequent debunking of "cello scrotum" had "added to the gaiety of life".

Anyone who has ever watched a cello being played would realise the physical impossibility of our claim Baroness Murphy

The spoof was inspired by a similar report of a phenomenon called "guitar nipple", which happened when the edge of the guitar was pressed against the breast, causing irritation.

"We thought it highly likely to be a spoof, and decided to go one further by submitting a similar phenomenon in cellists, " wrote Murphy - and her husband, in the latest edition of the journal.

"Anyone who has ever watched a cello being played would realise the physical impossibility of our claim.

"Somewhat to our astonishment, the letter was published."

Baroness Murphy, formerly a professor at Guy's and St Thomas' Hospital in London, did not sign the 1974 letter herself, fearing that she might get into trouble.

Her husband John, now chairman of a Suffolk brewery, signed it instead.

Scrotal flak

The couple said that they had been "dining out" on the hoax for years, but decided to confess after seeing "cello scrotum" referenced in an article last month in the journal.

A spokesman for the BMJ said that, 34 years on, no-one faced the sack for failing to spot the implausible condition.

He said: "We did, actually, get a letter from another doctor at the time pointing out how unlikely it was.

"We may have to organise a formal retraction or correction now. Once these things get into the scientific literature, they stay there for good. But it all adds to the gaiety of life."

His point was illustrated by a brief search of other medical journals - with "cello scrotum" referenced several times over the years, including by one scholar who debated whether it was in fact an awkward contact with the chair, rather than the instrument itself, that might be the source of irritation.

know your vines

from my new favorite webcomic, xkcd.