31 December 2009

ed is a dancing queen

Yes, that bearded, beleathered man is singing ABBA with Kathryn. One of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

28 December 2009

i think i know where this is

after living on atlantic avenue, i have wished so many time that this button existed.

from oddlyspecific.com

04 December 2009

Adventures in Counterfeiting

Outside my office today - turns out the sketchy folks across the hall were making unlicensed sports gear. Anyone wear a XXXXXXL?

24 November 2009

are you legally a douche?

thanks ameet

Insurer Must Defend 'Douche' Defamation Suit, Judge Says

Daniel Wise


Calling someone a "douche" may be bad manners but it does not give an insurance company grounds to disavow a policy protecting against defamation claims, a state judge has ruled. Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Judith J. Gische ruled that because calling someone a "douche" or "douche bag" is an opinion, not a statement of provable fact, the Graphic Arts Mutual Insurance Co. must pay the legal costs of public relations firm owner Drew Kerr, who was sued by a rival.

The insurance coverage dispute arose after Kerr, according to an affidavit he submitted, sought to criticize a technique used by a competitor, Ronn Torossian. Mimicking Torossian's practice of purchasing domain names containing the names of competitors, Kerr purchased the domain "www.ronntorossianpr." On the site was posted a photo of a package of "Summer's Eve Douche." Torossian's company, 5W Public Relations, according to its Web site, is the 21st largest public relations firm in the nation.

"To the extent that Mr. Kerr's action implied a statement that Mr. Torossian was "a 'douche' or 'douche bag,'" Gische wrote in Four Corners Communications Inc. v. Graphic Arts Mutual Insurance Company, 601166/09, it is an opinion which "is not capable of being proven false." Based on that finding, Gische found that the insurance company could not rely on a provision of the policy exempting defamation coverage of statements made "with knowledge of falsity."


21 November 2009

the only way to relate a no-hitter on acid

is with awesome animation! one of my all-time favorite stories. true or false? no way to ever know. a great story regardless. thanks to one of my new favorite art blogs puppies and flowers for the link.

17 November 2009

go titans!

i can't help but root for a team whose 86 year old owner gives opposing fans the bird.

09 November 2009

a night in carroll gardens

i heart my neighborhood.

coming home late night after a saturday sunset park bowling adventure, we took our usual route down smith street. carroll gardens, as many of you know, is an old italian neighborhood, after being irish for a time, then norwegian - longshoreman, mostly, what with the nearness of the heavily-trafficked port of brooklyn, not to mention the industrial wasteland of the gowanus canal. there are a number of italian social clubs, though not as many as there once were. the doors of these clubs tend to be manned by barrel-chested, cigar-smoking beefcakes. who knows what goes on behind the heavily-curtained windows, but it likely has something to do with waste management. this is not the kind of place you mess around - which reminds me, i wonder how these halloween vandals are doing.

but i digress. it was midnight on smith street. we emerged from the subway to a large cadre of italians emerging from a local restaurant, faces flush with drink, their hearty laughs and cigar smoke filling the brisk fall air. breaking off from the group, a woman with a cane gingerly made her way towards the open door of a mammoth SUV. being that i spent a few months last year on crutches and canes, i'm sensitive to the particular plights of the cane-bound. i made my way to give her a hand and close the door behind her. suddenly the men from the group surrounded me. HEY!! LOOK AT THIS GENTLEMAN! WHAT A FINE MAN, HELPING THIS WOMAN! SO COURTEOUS!! SO CHIVALROUS! as they shouted, these large, drunk italians grabbed me by the shoulders, shook my hands, embraced me. i was mobbed by the mob. the husband of the woman happily demanded why i would dare to make him look bad in front of his old lady. they pulled kathryn aside and advised her to marry me immediately. they howled and hooted like wild things.

we walked on, marveling at the midnight magic, at the unforgettable adventures that new york city presses upon you, at the ecstatic night filled with wine-soaked laughter and the lingering scent of overly-cologned italians.

05 November 2009

27 April 2009

6 am

The city that never sleeps... likes to sleep in on Sundays. Second Ave at 6 am. Empty!

18 February 2009


i've been watching a lot of planet earth recently - the david attenborough version, natch; sigourney weaver is ok at best. the ads for planet earth featured this beautiful song by sigur ros - check out the old folks on a rampage. amazing.

10 February 2009

again & again

arctic unicorns!

way to go bbc. thanks for my news stories this morning!

check out this video of narwhal. i love david attenborough.

also, here is a video about a john cage composition that is 639 years long. they just changed the chord!

09 February 2009

song of the day (friday)

i was super busy on friday and meant to find this... i was recovering from my five minute stint as bruce springsteen at karaoke. not as bad as recovering from the party this weekend!

05 February 2009

song of the day

the new tv on the radio is awesome! of course it is.

check out this video to see instruments delivered from heaven.

driving test

i failed my permit test. my permit expired after i left the country. you guys, the california written test is hard!

but i only failed it once.

L-test hell for S Korean driver

A South Korean grandmother has failed her written driving test 771 times.

Police in the city of Jeonju said the 68-year-old woman has taken, and failed, the written test repeatedly since April 2005.

She failed the exam once again on Monday but has said that she will continue trying.

The woman, identified only by her family name Cha, has repeatedly scored between 30 and 50 marks, below the pass mark of 60 out of 100.

The Korea Times reports that Mrs Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes.

She currently carries the items in a handcart, but thought that she might need a car for her business.

Police estimate she has spent more than four million won (£2,000) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won, in addition to other expenses.

"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her," says Park Jung-seok, a traffic police officer.

Mrs Cha has said that she will be back for another attempt. If she passes, then she can begin the practical test.

04 February 2009

one last disturbing thought before bed.

did you hear about these breasts? this woman has had EIGHT surgeries to increase her bust to a mind-boggling 34 FFF.

but wait. that's still not enough.

now she's gone to brazil because the state of texas REFUSED to put any more silicone in her boobs... she already has a GALLON in there. so disgusting.

here are her new, world-record setting 38 KKK size breasts. and with them, i have to assume, new, world-record setting back pain.


best. interview. ever.

john oliver has freakin BALLS people.

song of the day

how amazing is this video? pat benatar was pregnant during filming - check out how they only show her face. well, they do show her whole body... but through a waterfall.

They've been up since january

03 February 2009

song of the day

kanye is WAY better when synced by galifianakis.

on the subject of michael phelps

dude, a 23 year old has to apologize for taking a hit from a bong?

have you seen what he eats?

how do you think he keeps his appetite up?

02 February 2009

pillow fight

i just got a whole batch of new music to catch up with the times. david byrne and brian eno's new collaboration, fleet foxes, the new andrew bird album.

but i am like teenage-obsession obsessed with this song by band of horses.

30 January 2009

song of the day

is not actually a song... but it's an audio file. close enough, i say?

this is old but it's still awesome!

a cop stole pot from a suspect, made brownies with his wife, and then thought he was dying!

you can listen to his 911 call here.

"what's the score on the red wings game? i just want to make sure this isn't an hallucination."

29 January 2009

song of the day proves controversial.

i'm not sure i should stick with this... i pissed off steve by stealing his idea (i would guess not really too badly though) and then i really pissed off mike doughty (see comments) ... or someone pretending to be mike doughty.

it would be kind of weird, right? if mike doughty took my blog post personally? i just thought the last couple albums have been a little overproduced. "ghastly" was harsh.

i love mike doughty. i can even recite a fair number of doughty's songs from start to finish. oh doughty. please forgive me. remember the show at the charles river bandshell? maybe 1998? you signed my friend's dugout. you wrote that you did not condone. that was awesome.

song of the day

i haven't had a very easy time recently coming up with funny things to say. see below, 'cello scrotum.'

so i have decided to sort of steal from my friend steve. hey, i bet you're thinking, steve is a pretty nice guy, why are you stealing from him?

well, steve has this great blog with songs of the week. i am going to go on a voyage on the one ups man ship. i am going to try and post a new song every day! that way i will always have something to say. because you all know that i have a hard time thinking of things to say.

today: snow in new york, and i hear the bells. a rare quality song from mike doughty's ghastly solo albums.

28 January 2009

cello scrotum.

Peer reveals 'cello scrotum' hoax

A top doctor has admitted her part in hoodwinking a leading medical journal after inventing a medical condition called "cello scrotum".

Elaine Murphy - now Baroness Murphy - dreamt up the painful complaint in the 1970s, sending a report to the British Medical Journal.

She came clean when the hoax resurfaced in the 2008 Christmas edition.

A BMJ spokesman said the inclusion and subsequent debunking of "cello scrotum" had "added to the gaiety of life".

Anyone who has ever watched a cello being played would realise the physical impossibility of our claim
Baroness Murphy

The spoof was inspired by a similar report of a phenomenon called "guitar nipple", which happened when the edge of the guitar was pressed against the breast, causing irritation.

"We thought it highly likely to be a spoof, and decided to go one further by submitting a similar phenomenon in cellists, " wrote Murphy - and her husband, in the latest edition of the journal.

"Anyone who has ever watched a cello being played would realise the physical impossibility of our claim.

"Somewhat to our astonishment, the letter was published."

Baroness Murphy, formerly a professor at Guy's and St Thomas' Hospital in London, did not sign the 1974 letter herself, fearing that she might get into trouble.

Her husband John, now chairman of a Suffolk brewery, signed it instead.

Scrotal flak

The couple said that they had been "dining out" on the hoax for years, but decided to confess after seeing "cello scrotum" referenced in an article last month in the journal.

A spokesman for the BMJ said that, 34 years on, no-one faced the sack for failing to spot the implausible condition.

He said: "We did, actually, get a letter from another doctor at the time pointing out how unlikely it was.

"We may have to organise a formal retraction or correction now. Once these things get into the scientific literature, they stay there for good. But it all adds to the gaiety of life."

His point was illustrated by a brief search of other medical journals - with "cello scrotum" referenced several times over the years, including by one scholar who debated whether it was in fact an awkward contact with the chair, rather than the instrument itself, that might be the source of irritation.

26 January 2009

Cat fight

I just broke up a fist fight! On a crowded subway!

Two women had bumped into each other trying to get on the F train and one was like uh-unh shorty, back off bitch! And she slapped the other woman and they started slapping each other's faces and wrasslin against a door. A couple people along with me pulled them apart and then I stood like a bodyguard between them, silently with my arms crossed, with a plastic covered library copy of italo calvino short stories in one hand and the other shaking a bit from adrenaline.

They kept yelling at each other until a lady cop further down the train was like, shut the hell up, don't make me call the cops... Which I found confusing.

yeah! carroll gardens!

pictures of my neighborhood!

new york times slideshow!

beat the monday blues... with a monkey on a segway.

21 January 2009

seen this before?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

14 January 2009

a flying car!! sort of.

check out the cnn video about this "flying" car. i like that the inventor is drinking through the press conference.


i am SO not impressed.

08 January 2009

the best amazon product review. ever.

1,385 of 1,406 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The Secret saved my life!, December 4, 2007
Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.

At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.

My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be anally raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.

Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I've never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of "The Secret". Normally I wouldn't have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn't have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read.
The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the "Law of Attraction" in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn't exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 "The Secret to Relationships" that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.

The next day in the exercise yard I carried "The Secret" with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness actually made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I'm not sure that everybody's life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I'm very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.
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700th post! hells yes.

adventures in dance-a-raoke. how awesomely fun does this look? the next one is february 4th.

07 January 2009

why never to go skiing

Chairlift mishap strips US skier

A skier was left dangling from a chairlift at an American resort after he became stuck upside-down with his ski trousers round his ankles.

Photos show the man naked from his waist to his knees, swinging from one leg, and still wearing both skis.

He became entangled shortly after boarding the Skyline Express lift.

The lift was stopped and reversed about 12ft (3.6m) before he was freed by the Vail Ski Patrol, Vail Resort said in a statement about the 1 January incident.

The resort operator said the 48-year-old man was suspended for about seven minutes, but was uninjured.

06 January 2009

have you seen man on wire?

seriously it's the best movie i've seen in a long time. i'm a sucker for documentaries but this one is really special.

go and see it. for reals. so good.


i have been totally slacking off. AGAIN! i have no excuse. well, my adventures have slowed somewhat. but still, i'm not working, so i really should be posting a whole lot.

my most recent exciting adventure was shopping. post christmas sales baby! i got a new pair of frye boots for christmas. omg they are so pretty!