clooney-pitt watch

are they in there?

magnetic field softball

you may remember that i used to be the jinx for our softball team. for three seasons i'd never been present at a victory, although we'd had a few. that streak finally ended earlier this month. with a forfeit. streak over regardless.

after our recent fall season ended due to some field permit weirdness, it looked like we were done playing softball until the spring. but then we were able to squeak into the kings county co-ed fall conference. the games start later because we're playing on a field with lights. it sounds nice.

but i wouldn't know, because so far i've worked through every single game.

and now check out the standings!


note: at press time, magnetic field was 3-0 and tied with the fully-uniformed scary irish bartenders of mcmahons for first place.


THIS IS OUR YEAR BABY!


i'm never going to a game again. my guess is the team would appreciate it.

at least i can still be their bartender.

something new

i'd like to just say, i cannot wait to get my new t-shirt in the mail!!

damn

i knew i should have entered the contest...

peta strikes again

i'm all for the ethical treatment of animals, but peta is starting to resemble a certain pot-smoking, dog-strangling former nfl quarterback.

this story broke tuesday:

SPOKANE, Wash. — Children at a downtown preschool got an unplanned lesson in animal rights activism when their pet rabbit was stolen and anti-circus fliers were left in the animal's cage.

Sugar Bunny vanished from the Community Building Children's Center during a celebration of building renovations Saturday evening, teachers said.

"Somebody stoled him," 5-year-old Zion told The Spokesman-Review, which gave only the first names of him and other children in a report on the heist. "I'm sad."

Lori Peters, a teacher, said watching, petting and playing with Sugar Bunny helped the little children overcome separation anxiety. The theft is being reported to police but it's unclear whether the preschool will find a new pet, she added.

The fliers that were left were for protests against the Ringling Brothers Circus, which was in town Friday through Sunday, and showed a picture of a bear trying to escape beneath the bars of a cage. Listed at the bottom were People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and the Northwest Animal Rights Network.

Daphna Nachminovitch, director of PETA's domestic animal department, said the group would not endorse stealing a pet bunny.

"Just like dogs and cats, (rabbits) have been domesticated, so we encourage people who have the knowledge and ability to adopt rabbits from their local shelters," Nachminovitch said.

Teachers gathered the children in a circle Monday to remember Sugar Bunny, some by drawing pictures and others by writing songs.

"We talked about how some people have different ideas about animals," Peters. "Some people don't think they should be in cages."

and that's just the beginning: petakillsanimals.com

turns out peta kills 85% of the animals they "save." that adds up to 10,000 animals since 1998.

whoa.

suddenly michael vick eating kittens doesn't seem so bad...

stealing is wrong.

but it's also fun, and since this blog stole the laughing baby video i feel like it's ok to steal from them. yes, they did credit my blog, but they didn't provide a link.

anyways, what with the new update and all, i'm suddenly conscious of the links section on other people's pages. and in the links section of said blog i found an amazing site.

it's a dating site run by sean hannity.

really? could this be for real? there's no faq and no link to it from his site, but wikipedia says it's legit.

i guess even conservatives want to find love. even this guy.

I'M THE EASY GOING OUTDOORS TYPE. I LOVE THE BEACH AND THE MOUNTAINS. HIKING , SKIING , BOATING IT'S ALL GOOD. SATURDAY IS A MORNING WALK BY THE SHORE AND THEN A FEW YARD SALES. COOKING DINNER AND WATCHING A MOVIE IS ALSO PRETTY HIGH ON MY LIST. IF YOU LIKE THESE THINGS TOO, MAYBE WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN TOGETHER.

that doesn't sound so bad. but all caps make people sound CRAZY!

criminal or hilarious?

evil bartender or merry prankster?


read the story here.

edits today

as interests change, so too the links.

check em out!

also, new picture.

i almost changed the layout.

but i didn't.

why i always read toothpastefordinner.com

today's birthdays (some)

according to wikipedia. but can they be trusted?

st. francis of assisi
johnny appleseed
t.s. eliot
george gershwin
marty robbins
olivia newton-john

so if today is your birthday, you probably like talking to birds, planting apple trees, writing incredibly obscure poetry, composing country and/or ragtime music, and of course, getting physical.

damn, i should write horoscopes.

damn you, werner herzog

the last post of the day before i head full on into practicing.

someone with a blog saw the video of the baby laughing, and one of her readers posted this in response.

whoa.

fire update part two

the director of public affairs at l.i.c.h. has informed me that he is actually a she. i shouldn't have assumed.

i think i have a new reader!

more

ok, so i'm procrastinating today.

when i was in tanzania a friend played me a track by a french hip hop group called saian supa crew. check out the safe sex style! any french speakers out there want to tell me what they're saying?

if only

if only we could live our lives with this much joy.

from the ticker: good engagement, bad engagement

popping the question via a crossword puzzle? precious beyond words.

robbed at gunpoint seconds after proposing?

actually, i'd say that's much more exciting than doing a crossword together.

fire update

i hope you noticed yesterday's post, in which i single-handedly saved a hospital from burning down. some have called me a hero, but i was just doing my job as a citizen.

you may have also noticed a comment posted from someone at the hospital's public affairs department. well, i've given him a statement and now he says i should call him if i ever need anything from them...

looks like i don't need health insurance after all! sweet.





on a related note, i thought it funny that the google image search for long island college hospital is very different from searching for the hospital's acronym, LICH

last night

all was quiet last night. i tried, i tried so hard, to bring people in. it was the last monday without a show for a long time, so i had a feeling it would be slow. but there was a glimmer of hope, for it was the one year anniversary of vassar night. for a year i've been inviting my friends from vassar to come and hang out on the last monday of every month. it's never drawn more than ten people, but it's always been fun.

so, r.i.p. vassar night, because not a single person came last night. oh well. i think that my friends will be happy that i'll stop bothering them.

so instead it was movie night.

i forgot how much i loved falkor...

weekend highlight

i'm busy today and have a second audition with the band tomorrow, so not much time.

friday night a garbage can caught on fire across the street from the bar. i got to call 911! it was awesome. thanks to yours truly long island college hospital didn't burn down and atlantic avenue didn't look like this.

late night bar antics

who wants a mustache ride?

more quality reportage

thanks again, bbc. i heart silly signs.










the german in the last one is "duckbread is duckdead."

truer words were rarely spoken.

love, hate. love, hate. love, hate.

manhattan can be a magical place. coming out of the subway at union square to the humming throngs of people, boys on bicycles popping peg-stand reverse manuals, gay cuties giving me the eye and crazies with hats made of shredded newspaper. the urban insanity of it all! this is why i moved to new york.

and then again, there are things not so good. $15 for a margarita?!? ok, it was a great margarita, but still...

i went out on a double date last night, and unfortunately my date and i were the unsuccessful half. i think i might have been suckered into the whole thing. a couple hundred dollars later, i'm pretty sure i should have just gone to dick swizzle's sudden death game show instead.

the highlight of the night was ending up at the rooftop garden of the hotel gansevoort in the meatpacking district. sure, stella was $9 for a half pint. i'd never seen a bottle service menu before, i try and avoid such places, but i've got to say it was a bit of a shock. $200 for a bottle of jack daniels? wow.

regardless of the absurd prices, it had been a long time since i'd had a night-time view of the manhattan skyline. the new moon rose high in the crown of the metropolis. the hudson shimmered. elevated tracks long since abandoned cast shadows across streets yellowed by endless taxis. the empire state and its building shone with the power of a thousand suns.

at that point, who cared if the date had failed? it was gorgeous.

this is the only night shot i could find on google image search -- funny, this was exactly the view we had from our table. i think it's remarkably appropriate, given the blurred insanity that was last night.

band?

i think i'm in. music is hard! i fucked up a lot at our first rehearsal.

fine, you try playing bass lines in 6/4 time over feedback harmonics with no drummer.

see, i thought so.

AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

it's international talk like a pirate day!!!!



AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

200th post!

wow, it seems like yesterday that i started this blog. a year and a half already!

as some of you may know i have a couple tattoos, new in the past year. the first one i got is on my left arm:



the image is my own drawing of the eyespot in my left eye. i've had it my entire life . y'know those floaters? that's mine. here's some serious info for those interested in vitreous humour.

today i was watching a family guy rerun while eating homemade vietnamese sandwiches. (nice job ameet! damn tasty.) i happened upon this clip. another example of why i love youtube. so much better than watching the mets lose. again. to the nationals. again. october's no guarantee boys! get it together!

free food protection

for those of you who live in the city and work in the service industry, i thought you might be interested in knowing that the nyc dept. of health is offering free online classes in food protection. usually you have to pay to spend days getting lectured in the basement of the dept. of health offices. this seems a little easier! tell your friends!

https://a816-health12ssl.nyc.gov/dohroot/prjfpc/F2101_HasMenu.aspx

the falling leaves

did i miss something? summer seems to be over and the cool breezy nights of fall are upon us. so it goes.

here's my friends playing a great song they wrote called drunken agreement.



and here's the follow-up story. google "drunken agreement" and it's amazing what kind of ridiculous things people drunkenly agree to:

-boycotting gatorade.

-getting a upside-down penguin tattoo on the ankle.

-running a marathon.

-fulfilling sexual fantasies for seven years.

-providing legal assistance.

-head shaving.

-joining a band. this is one of the most common. i'm auditioning for this new band tomorrow. it was a drunken agreement. could this end badly? hope not.

the news

baggy pants crackdown goes national

in delcambre louisiana, you can be fined $500 and get up to six months in jail for displaying your underwear in public.

i think i'd already be serving a life sentence.

tools make a woman sexier. DIY = hot. um, duh. an excerpt from the oprah.com article:

"For a very long time, I confused DIY with DUI. This said more about how I was raised than about my affinity for alcohol."

that's painful.

also:

what the hell is going on with oj? did he actually organize an armed gang to steal his own sports memorabilia? it's looking like it.

the larry craig toilet at the minneapolis airport has become a tourist destination. i'm totally stopping by when i go home for christmas.

one more thing: it's respect for the aged day in japan. call your elders and tell them you love them. i think i might try and make it for the festivities next year. looks like a blast:

true or false?

toothpastefordinner -- right on the money as usual...

a return to roots

this is me playing my bass guitar.


no, it's actually jack casady from jefferson airplane.

but he plays the same bass as me, the guild starfire II hollow-body model.

and i've been playing mine all day. a band called luff is looking for a new bassist, and i'm in the midst of learning their songs. they're a pretty damn good band! sort of sonic youth-y, a little yo la tengo-y, maybe some slint influence.

listen here!

whoa.

okay, so summer might be breathing its last gasp. but that doesn't mean we can't reminisce about our good times at the wave pool...

the bridge of god

it's always complicated, working through the details of a major construction project. but check out what these engineers have to deal with:

The report was presented to the Supreme Court on Wednesday in connection with a case against a proposed shipping canal project between India and Sri Lanka.

Hindu hardliners say the project will destroy what they say is a bridge built by Ram and his army of monkeys.

Scientists and archaeologists say the Ram Setu (Lord Ram's bridge) - or Adam's Bridge as it is sometimes called - is a natural formation of sand and stones.

i say leave the bridge. so your international trade suffers! c'mon, you have a bridge made by an army of monkeys!

best of?

okay, now that emotional outburst is over.

here's something funny from craigslist.

Alexei the Russian who I found passed out on a car... - w4m


I lent you some shoes after I took you home and let you sleep on my couch.

You had no idea where you lived, and already had your shoes, watch, and phone stolen...

I was a good samaritan...GIVE ME MY SHOES BACK!!!!!

You were supposed to call me and arrange to drop them off...

SHOE STEALER!

reluctant prophesy

okay, i managed to fix the internet. still not sure how exactly, but it's fixed and that's what's important.

of course, now i can't remember all the pithy things i was going to say, all the strange news items have left me and i only have one thing on my mind.

walking out of a bar last night, i looked up into the sky and saw the towers of light for the first time.

it's hard to explain the emotions they bring up. the incredible pain of thousands of innocent deaths, the sacrifices of the rescue workers, the unending ineptitude of our nation's response.

this city was torn asunder on september 11th, but i have a hard time relating -- i was still living in california and it all seemed so distant and unreal. it is not unreal for anyone who lived through it here.

i had just graduated from college that spring. some of you may not know that the thesis i'd finished that april was about the unintended consequences of our nation's long strategic relationship with saudi arabia. essentially my point was that propping up a corrupt monarchy and allowing them to violently oppress dissidence was dangerous, especially given that the dissident movement was well-armed and trained by the united states to fight the soviets in afghanistan.

i ended with the thought that if we didn't start recognizing the meaning of the repeated attacks led by al-qaeda around the world, then they would come to our soil. this in april of 2001.

so when 9/11 came crashing down on us, the first phone calls i got were from school friends saying, damn, i guess you were right.

but i didn't want to be right.

i didn't want to know what i knew.

jonah is the only prophet in the old testament who runs from god's word. rather than embrace his role, he tries to hide from his destiny on a ship at sea.

i felt the same way after the attacks. with my knowledge, which was evidently as forward-thinking as anyone in the defense department, i should have gotten involved somehow, used that knowledge to open people's eyes to the history behind the attacks, which i had just spent two years researching.

but i didn't. i can't really explain why. i was scared. i was tired of the same subject, previously confined to musty library stacks on middle eastern history and suddenly, shockingly brought to life. i didn't know where to turn.

my actions still give me pause. we all have destinies in store. so many of us run from them, hiding behind drugs, alcohol, work, relationships. i applaud those of you who feel like you've accomplished their dreams. i'm still working on mine.

on the wall above my bed is a drawing by brian andreas. next to the drawing it says:

in my dream
the angel shrugged
and said if we fail this
time it will be a
failure of imagination

and then she
placed the world
gently in the
palm of my hand.

do not let your imagination fail you. and i promise to do the same.

again?

now my internet at work is down. this is ridiculous! don't these people know i have a blog to write? i can't ruminate on the anniversary of sept 11 via text! anyways, here's my new tattoo.

busy busy busy

internet still down. at work. too much to do. more later.

damn internet

is my apartment cursed? we finally get internet instead of stealing from the neighbors, and it dies. blogging may be spotty this week. for now, writing downstairs before i open the bar.

and speaking of this week, what a week! r.i.p. pavarotti and madeleine l'engle.

my rant for today is against the woman sitting next to me at joya on saturday night.

i'd say she was forty-ish, super-skinny and blonde. her shirt read "BEAUTY ADDICT" in big letters across her chest. while my friend and i were at the bar waiting for a table, she complained endlessly -- this drink is too strong (!), it's too crowded etc etc etc.

we finally get a table that happens to be right next to her and her older male companion. friend? lover? sugar daddy? couldn't tell.

the two start telling stories of their travels. she starts talking about india.

"wow, what was so shocking for me is that everyone was so skinny! i mean, i'm pretty skinny, but that's because i have good metabolism and work out. but these people are skinny because they have no food!"

i swear, i'm not a violent person, but damn if i didn't want to get up and slap her silly.

too busy today for more. if you want more blogging, check this out.

day two

man i love this job.

beer drinking benefits confirmed

a team of scientists fed guinness to dogs. turns out it *is* actually good for you.

i love it when science confirms a corporate slogan.

the streak, the strike

this is the third season i've played with the magnetic field softball team. we usually lose. mercy ruled losses are common, as are repeated errors by pretty much everyone on the team, yours truly included. but we have been known to pull a victory or two out of our asses, somehow defeating the gigantic beefcake bartenders from bensonhurst or the must-be-paid ringers from smith street locations.

in the middle of my third season, i have yet to play in one of these victories.

loss after loss has piled up and it's starting to distract me from the happy, have-a-beer-rounding-third attitude that works best for playing softball, especially in a bar league and especially on a pretty crappy team. (no offense guys, but we suck.)

even so, heading into wednesday's game, i was hopeful. the team warming up on the field didn't look very good. it was a beautiful afternoon, i'd done a couple hours of yoga and unlike most days i hadn't gone out late night. so i was in tip top shape.

and then the other team didn't have enough players!!! FORFEIT = VICTORY!!! THE STREAK IS OVER. the postgame mug of the VICTORY pilsner we have on tap never tasted better.

we played a scrimmage anyways, and i played against my team. i think they hate me now for getting them out. but at least we won.

bad parts of the day:

pulled a muscle (location: leg) on the last play of the game.

after the game, calling cars for the team and realizing with the taxi strike in full effect that our chances of getting a car down to red hook were slim to none. waited and waited and waited. thank god the kustard king showed up. from the time we called the car to finally getting on the b61 and making it to the bar took almost an hour.

i'm all for strikes, but can you do it in some way that doesn't inconvenience me? thanks a million.

jeez, i pay money for this?

my new internet connection sucks. thus the lack of blogging yesterday. time to catch up!

my new job

thriller revisited

remember the filipino prisoners dancing?

here's thriller from another south asian nation.

no climbing, yes to life!

china is preparing for the pollution-muddled 2008 olympics by cracking down on poorly translated signage. more insightful reporting from the bbc here.

creepy conversation

sunday afternoon. the mets are playing. i'm at the bar. the phone rings.

[RING RING]

me: magnetic field.

guy: yeah, uh, where are you located? [dark, raspy voice]

me: we're at 97 atlantic, brooklyn heights.

guy: ok, uh, what kind of people hang out there?

me: well, it's mostly a young adult crowd, but it depends on the night. we have live music...

guy, interrupting: no, no. do you have the, uh, right kind of people there?

me: [pause] well, i'm not sure what you mean by right, but people are friendly. it's a nice place to meet people.

guy: so no fags, no kikes, no niggers?

me: [long pause] i'm sorry, i don't think that kind of attitude would be welcome at our bar.

guy: alright, well, fuck you and your nigger loving bar. [hangs up]

me: ??????????????

the weekend

friday:

battles, deerhunter. music from scarily skinny boys with tight pants. math rockers with cymbals seven feet high. south street seaport overrun by hipsters. come here, you with mullet, fanny pack and bright pink converse. i must slap you silly. stay away, jailbait. all ages shows have their hazards.

the return of live band karaoke. i'd forgotten how much fun it is. is rockin' in the free world my new song? would be if it wasn't endlessly long and filled with guitar solos.

staying up all night listening to hall & oates.

saturday:

feeling great! let's get rid of this hangover by biking to prospect park. ouch. new hobby: frisbee golf. choose a tree, a rock, a patch of dirt, a spot of sun or shadow and throw a frisbee at it. you get some funny looks, standing ten feet away from an ancient oak tree and tossing a disc into its roots for a birdie shot. errant shots are quickly gathered by passers by to shouts of, no, no, leave it there! i think this is exactly what olmsted had in mind -- screw horses, soccer games, barbeques, biking; prospect park was designed for frisbee golf.

brief interlude at the field.

house party in sunset park. highlight: woman with new boob job shows them off.

sunday:

now things get a little crazy (as if they weren't already!). once a month reading series continues at the bar. readers teach at pratt and invite their classes, but oops, they're almost all under age. 19 year olds turned away in droves, pleading, but my teachers told me to come! sorry kids.

unexpected resolution of awkwardness with a good friend.

it being the holiday, the evening gets sloppy. can't reveal details due to bartender/patron confidentiality. it's legally binding. lots of photobooth pictures and learning the french word for queef.

monday:

lunch watching pedro's return to the mets. i love it when the mets win. time for work already?

today is my first day of my new nannying job. no more exhausting trips to queens -- this mom lives around the corner and works at the salon down the block. free haircuts are a great job perk!

my dad is in england and my friends are in spain. if it weren't so ridiculously beautiful here, i'd be jealous.

time for a massage!