09 November 2007

worst sex columnist ever!

i have my beef with dan savage from time to time. but this disheartening bathroom reading from my housemates really puts it in perspective. what terrible advice!


Talking Dirty

No one knows O.P.P. like Alexyss K. Tylor. the Atlanta sex therapist and TV host advises some of our disturbed readers.
From KING Magazine’s October ‘07 issue

Dear Ms. Tylor,
I’ve been married for seven years, and our sex life is pretty healthy (role playing, bondage and porn). But since my wife made some new work friends, she’s been trying to persuade me to let her play with my butthole. I’m really not feeling that. I feel like you need to draw the line somewhere, and I draw that line at my anus. The last time we made love, she attempted to probe me with her finger, and I instinctively smacked her, but she still insists on penetrating me. How do I talk her out of this?
Colin D. Rigeur Teaneck, New Jersey

You needs to find out where this is comin’ from, because she’s suddenly changed friends, and they’re telling her that for added sexual pleasure—or to dominate you—she needs to poke you in the ass. It’s just the fingers now, but the problem is the whole dick is gonna come in a minute. You gon’ need to open ya ass up and get relaxed and greased up for that. Sounds like she just wanna damn dominate and hump you into submission! She’s trying to secure a deeper, more authoritative alpha-male role. If I was you, I wouldn’t let her do it.

Dear Alexyss,
After watching the Kim Kardashian sex tape with my lady, I’m feeling inadequate. I feel like I’m an average size, but this dude, Ray J… My girl won’t stop talking about his meat, and now I have performance anxiety. What should I do?
John Paynesworth Tallahassee, Florida

She done made it very clear she like big penises. She watchin’ that man on that tape and it done turned her on; now, in her mind, she’s fantasizing about a piece of that dick. You can’t never erase that fantasy out that girl’s mind. You’ve gotta decide whether you respect yourself enough to let her go, or are you gonna share her? ’Cause it seems to me like a level of respect for yourself is gone—she done thought to discuss another man’s dick with you?!

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