17 January 2007


we all have our various aches and pains; some more than others, some better, some worse. some is manageable and some is chronic. hard to grit through it sometimes, other times it's a dull echo at the back of our minds. today, my friends, my pain is with me, too present to ignore and too sharp to manage.

through a painfully hilarious set of circumstances, in october of 2003, i found myself at the bottom of a staircase in berkeley california after having fallen ten feet from the balcony above. my injuries were serious, a fact compounded by my doctor's lack of concern and failure to effectively treat (or even x-ray) my mangled body. after months of struggling to get through my days teaching preschool, i threatened my doctor with a malpractice suit unless he put me in physical therapy -- he was reluctant and wanted me to take more vicodin, to which i was already addicted and through which i was only further poisoning myself. when i managed to see him, the physical therapist examined me for a few minutes and said, i am so sorry we did this to you. after a full set of body x-rays revealed an unhealed fractured tailbone and spinal disc damage, i finally began a long healing process that has included acupressure, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic, reiki, hot tubs, ice, hot tubs and ice together, more physical therapy, substance-based self-medication, bed rest, and (the only one that's lasted) yoga.

as long as i do the yoga routine i've developed for myself a few times a week, i can more or less live my life pain-free. it's become difficult, though, as the lifestyle of a bartender doesn't exactly match with that of a yogi. i promise myself as i close the bar that i will get up and take care of myself, and suddenly it's noon and i'm still asleep. the last few weeks my practice has collapsed, and with the added strain of a whirlwind, less-than-24-hours trip to boston over the weekend, i've finally hit my breaking point. i came home early today hoping to take the time to take care of myself and discovered that my back was in such bad shape that i couldn't make it through most of my routine, and now i am sitting at my desk (bad) typing (bad) and wishing i wasn't in pain. i haven't completely thrown it out yet, but it's close, and i'm concerned that i have to close the bar at four am thursday and saturday night.

i guess this is just my absurdly long-winded way of saying:

my back hurts, and i don't like it.

as well as:

bartending is toxic and i'm not taking good care of myself.


man, i was drunk when i fell off that balcony.

and perhaps the lesson for today is:

do your goddamn yoga.

1 comment:

  1. I have a former work colleague who was badly injured in an auto accident. Daily yoga was the only thing that helped her back pain. Whether she was at home or we were off on a journey through the state and in some small town motel, she nearly always did her yoga for she had come to the same conclusion: yoga was the only thing that helped.