ouch!

we all have our various aches and pains; some more than others, some better, some worse. some is manageable and some is chronic. hard to grit through it sometimes, other times it's a dull echo at the back of our minds. today, my friends, my pain is with me, too present to ignore and too sharp to manage.

through a painfully hilarious set of circumstances, in october of 2003, i found myself at the bottom of a staircase in berkeley california after having fallen ten feet from the balcony above. my injuries were serious, a fact compounded by my doctor's lack of concern and failure to effectively treat (or even x-ray) my mangled body. after months of struggling to get through my days teaching preschool, i threatened my doctor with a malpractice suit unless he put me in physical therapy -- he was reluctant and wanted me to take more vicodin, to which i was already addicted and through which i was only further poisoning myself. when i managed to see him, the physical therapist examined me for a few minutes and said, i am so sorry we did this to you. after a full set of body x-rays revealed an unhealed fractured tailbone and spinal disc damage, i finally began a long healing process that has included acupressure, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic, reiki, hot tubs, ice, hot tubs and ice together, more physical therapy, substance-based self-medication, bed rest, and (the only one that's lasted) yoga.

as long as i do the yoga routine i've developed for myself a few times a week, i can more or less live my life pain-free. it's become difficult, though, as the lifestyle of a bartender doesn't exactly match with that of a yogi. i promise myself as i close the bar that i will get up and take care of myself, and suddenly it's noon and i'm still asleep. the last few weeks my practice has collapsed, and with the added strain of a whirlwind, less-than-24-hours trip to boston over the weekend, i've finally hit my breaking point. i came home early today hoping to take the time to take care of myself and discovered that my back was in such bad shape that i couldn't make it through most of my routine, and now i am sitting at my desk (bad) typing (bad) and wishing i wasn't in pain. i haven't completely thrown it out yet, but it's close, and i'm concerned that i have to close the bar at four am thursday and saturday night.

i guess this is just my absurdly long-winded way of saying:

my back hurts, and i don't like it.

as well as:

bartending is toxic and i'm not taking good care of myself.

or:

man, i was drunk when i fell off that balcony.

and perhaps the lesson for today is:

do your goddamn yoga.