06 March 2007

a change is gonna come

my goddamned internet has been out all week, and by some miracle at 2 in the morning i'm finally able to glom onto some hapless neighbor's connection. where were you when i wanted to write on sunday, or check my email this morning, or at all over the past week? but here it is, and i feel like i should take advantage.

this past weekend it was in the 50s. winter is coming to an end, i thought. right now there's a 40 miles per hour wind blowing off the harbor and the wind chill is closing in on zero. so much for that.

the sunshine still gave my spirits a much-needed rise. i always become less productive when it gets cold, but this winter it's just been absurd. the few journal & blog entries i managed to force out of myself are testaments to ineffectiveness, creative and spiritual cravings with no relief and a lack of connection with my own inner self, not to mention those around me and in points afield. and it goes beyond this winter, and it always has, a lack of motivation and a tendency towards coasting through life. well, i have decided: no more.

sitting on the promenade watching an 18 month old child run in circles around her mother, i was struck by how fragile our lives are, how little time we have to make our mark on the world around us. and i don't mean being rich, or famous, or infamous. i mean, do we take care of the people in our lives? do we care of ourselves? do you feel like you've done all you can to create positive forces in your life and in the lives of others? well, i've tended not to over the past couple years and it's time for that to change.

after months of fucking around and getting pretty much nothing done, i've turned into a whirlwind of activity. i've probably played guitar for 15 hours since Friday. i've written new songs, fixed old ones, gave my room a thorough spring cleaning. i've journaled, i've done extended sessions of yoga and meditation. don't worry, in the midst of it i still managed to party my ass off both friday and saturday nights. i'm not going to change everything.

it's late and i'm trying to break my habit of sleeping until noon, so i'm crashing out. but know, dear readers, that it'll be a while (i can only hope) before you get another utterly depressing entry about bar and city life.

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