so...

hey readers - an update for you. not exactly the funniest post ever, so if you need something funny, watch this.

i'm just back from the hospital. here's the latest:

after the oncologist took one look at my walnut-sized lymph node, she said the biopsy was more or less a formality and that we should prepare for surgery. after some blood tests i went down and got my PET scan scheduled for tomorrow. i should have a full pathology report by tomorrow afternoon or friday and then we'll know a lot more about what's real and how far (if at all) beyond the lymph node the cancer has spread.

in the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for friday the 9th of may - which coincidentally is also when my dad comes into town. it'll be SO nice to have him here, especially since they say i'll have drainage problems in my leg after the surgery so i can't leave the hospital for at least a couple of days. that sounds like an awesome weekend! also, once i escape NYU i'll be on crutches for a couple weeks. i am SO not looking forward to commuting on crutches.

i should know a lot more after the scan and report tomorrow. thanks to everyone who has texted or emailed or called or just psychically sent their love. i'll keep y'all posted.

best boss ever.

my boss just bought me a copy of t.c. boyle's water music!

for those who missed it, the same book was knocked out of my hands and down onto the subway tracks. i was really missing it and my commute was suddenly endless without a good book.

but now it's back!

best boss ever.

tuesday.

why we desperately need wikipedia in our lives every day...

Tuesday is the day of the week between Monday and Wednesday.

...In business, particularly office work, studies have shown that Tuesday is usually the most productive day of the week. Some of these people consider Tuesday to be their least favorite day, because they are not as relaxed as Monday (due to the weekend preceding it), yet they still have most of the work week ahead of them.

whoa.

what a crazy busy day! so much to do! the day is just flying by! i was stressed that our new office phones would be a total disaster, but it seems like everything is going ok. for now i'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

also, i have a biopsy scheduled for wednesday. hopefully that will go as well as our new phone system!

weekend!

well, my anti-rain dance totally worked and we had an awesome barbeque! incredible food and great people. i think i'm going to do that monthly. why not?

after the party wound down i went out for a nightcap. the rain was starting to fall just as i got home. i walked up the stairs and discovered that the last person to leave had closed and locked the door at the top of the stairs, which is proper apartment party etiquette but WE DON'T HAVE A KEY FOR THAT DOOR. i seriously almost cried. i did not feel like sleeping on my stairs.

SO I KICKED DOWN THE DOOR.

it was so bad-ass. i'm not much of a bad-ass so i have to fully embrace it every chance i get! if you ever have a chance to kick down a door, it's awesome. just aim next to the door handle. i got through on the first kick! the door is fine but i did manage to crack the frame in half. ha ha! good thing we don't have a lease!

i hope you all have an awesome, bad-ass door-kicking monday. my day is great so far - especially the part where the subway doors closed on me and knocked my book out of my hands and DOWN THROUGH THE GAP ONTO THE TRACKS. and just as the hero-explorer returned home to his long-suffering penelope!

does anyone have a copy of t.c. boyle's water music?

kings of kings county

big update! who are the kings of kings county?

me! i am! and my friend bk11201.

do you read the brooklyn daily eagle? well if you do then you would see THIS ARTICLE TODAY THAT MENTIONS MY BLOG BY NAME!

Historically Speaking: Researching Brooklyn — Online

2nd to last paragraph:

Adventures in Brooklyn and BK 11201 recount personal tales with pictures. Brooklyn Enthusiast deals with food and recipes as does Bread, Coffee, Chocolate, Yoga and All in Brooklyn. Frisket of Hicks Street recently became Frisket of Main Street: it’s about this dog. Two others have Brooklyn Bridge pix: Never Sleepist and Sam I Am.

WE FINALLY MADE IT! FAME AND FORTUNE IS OURS FOREVER!

don't post before coffee

ok this day is actually turning out alright.

this makes me feel better.

awesome.

this day is going to be awesome.

follow these steps to have an awesome day:

step one: wake up at six am groggy with a slight hangover. don't go back to sleep!

step two: murderous cops acquitted for shooting a man 50 times the night before his wedding.

step three: discover that dhl lost your present for a departing co-worker on her last day.

step four: find out that rain is more than likely for your big weekend barbeque.

step five: call from doctor reveals positive test for melanoma.

step six: oooh, what's next? how much more awesome can this day get?

i think i'll move to australia.

busy!

dang, another busy day. i was hoping to spend all day posting.

ah, work. if you didn't pay my bills, i would totally break up with you.

my favorite day

today i switched to iced coffee!!! that's my favorite day.

yes, i know i'm a bit behind.

my god it's beautiful today. madison square park has never looked better. except that there are no silver trees, which is still a little sad to me.

so as you know, i cleaned my patio on tuesday night. last night it was time for spring cleaning of my room. is there anything as satisfying? (yes. iced coffee.) i even found a way to display my ever-expanding collection of bar coasters.

my housemate asked me, where did you get all of these?

um....

the day for us

as some of my blog cohorts have recently pointed out, today is administrative professionals day. i saw that tempy was feeling neglected and i decided to let my co-workers know that it was a day to celebrate, um, me. i jokingly let them know that the day was running out and if they had any surprise plans for me that it was probably time to give me the flowers, chocolate and bottles of single malt scotch they were hiding under their desks.

and you know what? they actually produced a card signed by my boss - who has been in nashville since yesterday morning! it's a snoopy card and it has that lovable, incomprehensible yellow bird woodstock answering the phones and fixing the computers and finding lost files and it says (folding out)

You have a way...
Of saving the day...
EVERY DAY!

i am a little teary-eyed.

to my co-workers, i say

| | | |
| | |
| | |

y'know, like how woodstock speaks in lines?

you know what i like?

getting our new phones and internet working. i am the best office administrator ever.

last night

instead of going to an awesome show like my blogging friends one and two i decided to clean my patio. and it looks great, thanks for asking.

costumar

so... do i need to be in a costume to use your bathroom? i'm confused.

visiting the doctor

so my health benefits kicked in this month. it's been five years since i had insurance. and just about as long since i was at the doctor.

this morning i went to the doctor.

you know what?

i hate going to the doctor. they strip you down to your underwear, they poke and prod and question. so little personal connection.

now, i did have a reason to go. that lymph node continues to grow. and the mole on my left thigh was of epic proportions before its mostly painless removal this morning. i love that my leg was cauterized this morning.

i wasn't too worried about it until my new doctor sent me immediately to a dermatologist who saw me as soon as i got there and put a rush order on my newly-liberated mole and considering a potential biopsy next week.

yay for cancer scares!



see? i never should have gone to the doctor.

dear jewish co-worker,

thank you for passover leftovers.

the brisket was delicious.

as were the coconut macaroons.



i wish every day were passover.

yogurt castle mystery

welcome to the yogurt castle in downtown walnut creek, california. i was there last weekend. mmmm, vanilla fro-yo with gummi bears... the taste of childhood.

walking back to the car. giggling with my sisters. creating a new theme song for yogurt castle: "take me away to land of magic... and yogurt."

then i noticed this on their back door:


it says "STOP SPITTING IN ME FOOD."

we can interpret this in a number of ways.

t's possible that a pirate lives behind the door. as in, "ARRRRRR! STOP SPITTING IN ME FOOD!"

or perhaps it's a message from the door. "STOP SPITTING IN ME." and then the door is named food. or it's aimed at someone named food. i like this one and imagine it being delivered in the same tone that billy madison says "STOP LOOKING AT ME, SWAN!"

i suppose it's possible that yogurt castle customers, disillusioned by low yogurt-based standards, started spitting inside the castle's back door to express their displeasure. and the staff wanted to warn them that was food inside the door and that people should stop spitting.

it's the personification of the door that is most puzzling. it's not "STOP SPITTING IN HERE." it's "IN ME." like the door is personally offended.

this appears to be a mystery that will forever remain unsolved.

it was me. i'm sorry.

who put the dead bird in my mailbox? - w4m - 27 (crown heights)

---

Reply to: pers-649331801@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-20, 12:56PM EDT

a) how did you get into my mailbox in the first place, it is locked
b) did you kill the bird
c) it died horribly, that much was clear
d) you're psycho
e) do I know you
f) if I do know you I don't want to know you
g) if I don't know you, what did I do to inspire you to put a dead bird in my mailbox
h) I don't know how to disinfect a mailbox from a dead bird, I'm worried about diseases and have used five different kinds of cleaner but still feel like the bird's still in there still and like my bills and my catalogues and my coupons have dead bird on them
i) it was a hummingbird, I looked it up - they don't even live in New York - this is so f*ing psycho, I can't believe this
j) are you the mailman?
k) I'm always nice to the mailman
l) the super didn't care when I told him what happened
m) the neighbors didn't care either
n) do you have some kind of problem with birds
o) don't put anything else in my mailbox
p) unless it's an apology
q) no, I take that back, I don't even want an apology
r) what am I supposed to do with this bird - it's in bubblewrap in a bag in a shoebox in the freezer right now - am I supposed to bury it - where? how? in a construction site where they've jackhammered through the concrete - where is a person supposed to bury things in this city?
s) I could drop it in the Gowanus canal, but that seems undignified
t) I could drop it in the ocean, but the ocean is so big and it is such a small bird
u) I could drop it in the toilet but it would probably get stuck
v) I hear this whirring around my ears every time I go to the mailbox and I'm pretty sure it's ghost bird, and I'm all "it wasn't me that killed you, bird!" but still the whirring doesn't go away until I get to the stairwell
w) am I supposed to eat it - maybe you were trying to feed me - don't you know I'm a vegetarian
x) if this was Ricky, I'm gonna beat your ass, mama told you stop bothering the zoo
y) if this was Gina, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry
z) I could drop it off the roof, maybe it will reincarnate while falling and I can start reading my mail again

your new boyfriend

GUNS AND GUITAR HERO!! YES!!

SO HOTTTT!

use with caution

i just answered a question from a friend and her response to my answer was "snizzle."

do you know what that means? i didn't. so i looked it up. not sure that i should have.

warning! this is dirty.

from urbandictionary.com

snizzle	:
	A clean shaven, tight and ripe young vagina. When bent over the snizzle replicates the look of a freshly sliced Freestone peach. Snizzle ceases to exist around the age of 25 years old, often younger. At which point becomes a Frazzle.

somehow i don't think that's what my friend meant.

but now we all know. and knowing is half the battle. GI JOE!